AlabasterMuslim

I've been MIA

2011-12-08T17:15:00.001-08:00

Asalaamu Alaikum Everyone!
Yes, I know I've been MIA. Sorry about that :). You might have noticed me
in the comments of other bloggers, so you know I've been keeping up with things.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I gave birth to my beautiful
little one. Alhamdullilah.

If you are on my private blog you can read my unassisted birth story, inshallah.

It is graphic though, so if you don't want to hear about blood and vaginas, you
probably shouldn't read it.

IF YOU LOVE JESUS Alayhi Salaatul Wasalaam!!

2011-02-11T10:28:00.000-08:00

SO I was over at THE ROAD TO JANNAH
and the sister posted suchhh a wonderful story that Shaikh Falah Isma'eel from kuwait told....well, I hope you all take the time to read it its really short and sweet.

"

One of the scholars from Kuwait, Shaikh Falah Isma'eel, recently relayed a heart-warming story that may interest you.

When Shaikh Isma'eel visited Holland, he was of course met by Muslims from Holland, and they told him, "if you had come two weeks ago, you would have seen it yourself. We prayed over this man [asking Allaah to have mercy on the deceased Muslim in what is called 'the funeral prayer'],"...and then they told him the following beautiful story.

[What follows is not verbatim, but a summary, with some explanations so as to clarify some terms that may be new to non-Muslims.]
He was a 26-year-old Christian from Holland. One day, he changed his dress to thobes, a burnoose, grew a beard, and the people started calling him "the one who looks like Jesus."

One day, he met some Muslims, and he said to them, "I love Jesus." And the Muslims told him, "We also love Jesus, and it is even a condition of Islam. We love Jesus and Moses."

So this man tried imitating Jesus, helping others when he could, cutting their lawns and the like. After two years, he entered the mosque [the Muslims' place of worship] for the first time, and he was greeted with "ahlan" [which means welcome, and thus was not greeted with the greeting reserved for Muslims "as-salaamu 'alaykum" (which means: may peace and safety be upon you on the Day of Judgement)].

He said, "no; I want to be a Muslim."

Then, the Muslims witnessed his testimony (pronounced "shahada") - there is none deserving of worship except Allaah, and Muhammad is His servant and Messenger, and Jesus is His servant and Messenger - taught him the basics, and taught him how to pray. He began praying in congregation with them, not missing a single congregation. Then one day, he noticed that the other Muslims were arriving at the mosque after him, so he asked for a key to the mosque. And he was given one.

The Muslims then observed that not only was he opening the mosque, but additionally he was routinely found in optional prayer whenever they entered the mosque for the dawn prayer. [They would enter and find him already engaged in the worship of Allaah.]

Then one day, he told the Muslims how he decided to become Muslim. He said he had a dream about Jesus (the son of Mary), and Jesus said to him, "Be Muslim. Be Muslim. Be Muslim." He said, "I woke up, and a few days later, I had the same dream. This happened three times."

[The shaikh interjected and said, this is success from Allaah.]

So after having prayed for 20 days with the other Muslims, he died.

May Allaah have mercy on him.

This is the mercy of Allaah, and Allaah saved him [from dying upon other than Islam].

This is Sidq (truthfulness); he truthfully loved Jesus, so he became Muslim. Allaah guided him to become Muslim, because he was truthful in his love for Jesus.

if one is truthful in his love for Jesus and his following Jesus, then this should lead him to the true religion of Jesus (Islam) and should lead him to following whom Jesus commanded to be followed after him - Muhammad, the seal of all Prophets.
After all, the religion of all the Prophets was Islam, and their creed was the same, and their message was the same, and they confirmed each other. It is only the deviant who have distorted the message of the previous Prophets, and thus Allaah - from His infinite Mercy - has promised to preserve His last revelation (the Qur`an) from corruption so that those who truthfully want guidance may be guided.
"

There are so many more great articles that this sister has posted so if you are interested go to here blog, again THE ROAD TO JANNAH.

A Country United?

2011-02-04T03:41:00.001-08:00

So I've been hearing a lot lately about Muslim countries being united and Mashallah, a muslim country being united is a great thing.

But then, I see what the people in those countries are doing.

Burning innocent shopkeepers' shops?

Stealing whatever you feel like? I didn't know t.v.'s are part of a revolution.

Beating other muslims? Their animals that had nothing to do with anything?

Please don't pretend there was a Jihad called for.

"Narrated Al-Ahnaf bin Qais:

While I was going to help this man ('Ali Ibn Abi Talib), Abu Bakr met me and asked, "Where are you going?" I replied, "I am going to help that person." He said, "Go back for I have heard Allah's Apostle saying, 'When two Muslims fight (meet) each other with their swords, both the murderer as well as the murdered will go to the Hell-fire.' I said, 'O Allah's Apostle! It is all right for the murderer but what about the murdered one?' Allah's Apostle replied, "He surely had the intention to kill his companion." [Al-Bukhari]

When I think of a united country, I think of Muslim helping Muslim, Muslim defending Muslim. Acting upon the shariah, because anyone who follows any other government is in the wrong. I ask any of you to find where in the time of Prophet Muhammed Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam, people PROTESTED against THEIR LEADER.

" Ibn Umar RadiAllahu Anhu narrated: the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam said: " A muslim has to listen and obey (the order of his Muslim ruler) whether he likes it or not, as long as he does not order to commit a sin. If he does he should neither listen nor obey." [Sahih Muslim]

"Umm Salamah RadiAllahu Anham the wife of the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi wasallam narrated that the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi wasallam said: You will be ruled by rulers of who you will like something and hate something. He who hates their wrongdoing, he would be safe, and he who denies; would be safe; but (woe to) whom agrees with them and follows" They Said: "O Messenger of Allah! Shall we fight them?" He said: "No, as long as they perform Salat." [Muslim]

Subhanallah, shaitaan will make you think you are all on the same page, fighting for the same thing, when in reality he has just caused you to sin, and corrupt your country worse than it was before. You've ruined whole families' financial situation, beat up their sons and brothers.

I do not support any government that is not Shariah, but don't kid yourselves that you are united.

I know, you all probably think I'm just full of it and telling a bunch of lies.
But when you take someone as a HERO who BURNED THEMSELVES ALIVE...well. There you go, you've been duped by Shaitaan.

"Hear & obey (the leader) even if he takes your money and whips your back."

May Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala protect the innocent Mu'mineen of those countries, and all over the world, including myself. Ameen!

Laundry. In a bucket.

2011-02-01T13:52:00.000-08:00

I'm finally done with the laundry for the day, and my fingers are as pruny as ever!! They seriously look like i've jumped forward a hundred and ten years.

I know most of you all are probably like uhh why are her fingers like that if she's done the laundry?

Well folks its because I MOVED INTO AN APARTMENT THAT DOESN'T HAVE A WASHER AND DRYER AND I AM NOT GOING TO GO TO A LAUNDRY MAT!

:0 omg I know!

SO I'm doing laundry by hand. Hauling buckets back and forth into the bathroom shower and scrubbing my grubby grody clothes clean by hand.

I can't complain though because its my life long DREAM to own a COB HOUSE and live without electricity and wear clothes i've made myself and grow my own food.

Ok well maybe i'll have a generator so I can have enough electricity for my laptop and some A/C. :) When I really need it you know, though I'm totally going to be building my house to have natural air flow!!

Once you get use to the pruny hands, stiff clothes, and the 5 dogs barking to you next door (when you hang them up on this nifty thing called the "clothing line" I believe) its really not that bad.

And the best part of all??
THE WOODEN CLOTHING PINS!

For any real die-hard anti-electric, pro-garden, pro-NATURAL LIVING, wooden clothing pins is the BEST THING EVER!

You can even make the cob houses (which are very sturdy, last through earth quakes and hurricanes) for around 3,000 dollars, and the same size as a normal home! You can make them with electricity too. Sorry for trying to sell the idea so hard lolll.

82 year old memorized Qur'an MASHALLAH!!!

2011-01-28T13:22:00.000-08:00

Taken From HERE

A Grandmother Who Completed Memorizing the Qur’an at Eighty-Two Years Old

As Read by Dr. Saleh As-Saleh

You can download the below as PDF here

Al-Hamdulillaah (All-Praise is due to Allah), the One Who said (what means): "And in truth We have made the Qur’aan easy to remember; but is there any that remembers?" Surah 54: 32

Many all over the world memorize the Qur’aan, and it is not strange to see the youth memorizing the Noble Qur’aan and an early age. Al-Hamdulillaah, the One who made the Qur’aan easy for remembrance, had made it easy for Umm Saalih age 82. In an interview with Umm Saalih, she was asked the following questions:

Q1: "What was the reason that drove you to memorize the Qur’aan after so many years?"

She said, "I always hoped to memorize the Qur’aan from the time I was young. My father always used to invoke Allaah for me to become one of the memorizers of the Qur’aan, like himself and like the elder brothers of my family who memorized it. So I memorized in the beginning about three parts and then after I completed the age of thirteen, I got married and became busy with the household and the children. After I had seven children, my husband died. They (the children) were all young so I took the time to raise them and educate them, and then after they grew up and got married, I had more time for myself. Therefore, the first thing I directed myself to focus upon was the Qur’aan.

Q2: "Tell us about your journey with the Noble Qur’aan."

She said, "My younger daughter was going to high school and she was the closest of my children to me and the most beloved, because she stayed with me after her older sisters got married and got busy with their lives, and because she was a quiet girl, upright, loving, and good. In addition, she was interested in learning the Noble Qur’aan, and her teachers encouraged her.

Furthermore, she was very enthusiastic and always told me of many women who were driven by this great motivation to memorize the Qur’aan, and this is where I started."

Q3: "Tell me about your way of memorization."

She said, "We assigned ten verses (meaning her and her daughter who was going to high school). So each day after Asr, we used to sit together. She reads and I repeat after her three times. Then she explains the meaning to me, and after a while, she repeats that three times. On the next morning, she repeats them to me before she goes to school.

She recorded also the recitations of Ash Shaykh al Husary, Rahimuhullaah, repeating each verse three times and thus I continued to listen most of the time. Therefore, the next day we would go to the next ten verses if my memorization was good. Otherwise, we would postpone taking additional verses until the day after. Moreover, we assigned the day of Friday to review the memorizations of the entire week. And this was the journey from the beginning."

Then she said, "Over four years and a half, I memorized twelve juz" according to the way I described to you. Then this young daughter got married. When her husband knew of our task concerning the memorization, he rented a house close to me, close to my house, so that he could allow the continuation of the memorization. In addition, he, May Allah reward him used to encourage us and sometimes sit with us listening, explaining and teaching.

Then after three years of her marriage, my daughter got busy with the children and the household and our schedule was interrupted, but that did not make her give up. To the contrary, she sensed that my eagerness for the memorization was still established so she looked for a special good teacher to continue the journey under her supervision. So, I completed the memorization by the success of Allaah and my daughter is still working to finish the memorization of the Glorious Qur’aan. She has a little left, In Shaa Allaah Ta’aala.

Q4: "This motivation of yours, did it have an effect on other women around you?"

She said, "It really had a good strong effect. My daughters and stepdaughters were all encouraged and worked on learning and teaching the Qur’aan to their children and learning it themselves.

Q5: "After finishing the Noble Qur’aan, don’t you think about working on memorizing hadith?"

She said, "Now I have memorized ninety hadith and In Shaa Allaah I will continue the journey. I depend, in my memorization, upon the tapes and upon the Qur’aan radio station. At the end of each week, my daughter comes and checks for me the memorization of three hadith, and I am trying now to memorize more.

Q6: "Over this period of memorization of the Qur’aan, did your life change? Was it affected in one way or another?"

She said, "Yes, I went through a major change and I tried always, all praise is due to Allaah, to obey Allaah before I started the memorization. However, after I started the task of memorization, I began to feel a self-comfort, a great self-comfort and all worries began to move away from me. I even reached the stage of freeing myself from all these excessive worries concerning fearing for the children and their affairs, and my morale was boosted.

I had a noble objective to work for and this is a great Ni’mah (Favor) from Allaah . upon me, since we know that some women, when they get old and they do not have a husband, and their children got married, may be destroyed by the empty time, thoughts, worries, and so forth. But, AlHamdulillaah, I didn’t go through this and I made myself busy with a great task and a great objective.

Q7: "Didn’t you think at one point, to join one of the circles focusing on teaching the Noble Qur’aan?"

The answer was, "Yes, some of the women suggested this to me, but I am a woman who got used to staying at home, and I don’t like to go out everyday, and Al Hamdulillaah, my daughter sufficed me from all difficulty and I was so happy while I was learning from her. My daughter had set an example in goodness and righteousness which we rarely find in our days.

She started this task and journey with me while she was an adolescent and this is a critical age many people complain of. She used to pressure herself so that she could have spare time to teach me, and she used to teach me with kindness and wisdom. Her husband was a good help to her and he exerted a lot of effort. I ask Allaah . to give them success and to bring their children up on uprightness."

Q8: "What do you say to a woman of your age who wishes to learn and memorize the Qur’aan yet she is worried about it and feeling unable to?"

She said, "I say to her there their shall be no despair with the firm, sincere and truthful determination. Begin with sincerity, firm determination and dependence on Allaah at each time. And remember that at this age you should have the time for yourself. However, do not use your time to only go out or to sleep and so forth. Rather, busy yourself with righteous work.

Q9: "Now what would you say to a woman who is still young? What would you advise her?"

She, may Allaah preserve her, said: "Preserve Allaah and He will preserve you. Make use of the favor of Allaah bestowed upon you from health and ways and means of comfort. Use that to memorize the Book of Allaah. This is the light which enlivens your heart, your life and your grave after you die.

And if you have a mother then exert the effort to teach her, and there is no better favor upon a mother than one of her righteous children aiding her to be close to Allaah."

Presented on the 1st of Muharram 1426, Feb 10th 2005. Originally published in Ad-Da’wah Magazine, no.1552, 17th of Rabee’ Al-Awwal 1417,corresponding to Aug 1, 1996.

not woman from story- random muslim lady lol

2011-01-27T11:05:00.000-08:00

When I go grocery shopping, I'm not picky. I will take cereal, or cheese, or eggs from any brand, off brand, never-been-a-brand, as long as I get my food.

Except for peanut butter.

For me I have to have the ALL NATURAL ,oil-on-top HAS to be refrigerated peanut butter.

Blame it on my mom for telling me that jiffy and all the other already-mixed peanut butters are no good, fake, wannabe's.

And when I get my peanut butter:

I like to heat it up before I put it on my (all natural) bread. (Oh yeah, I'm picky about my bread too).

I only heat it up for forty seconds you guys. REMEMBER THAT I SAID FORTY SECONDS.

Because when you put it in the microwave for TWO WHOLE MINUTES like my beloved Man did, it will end up like this :

p.s. don't be fooled. Those are not chocolate chips in there (I wish it was, peanut butter and chocolate chips taste so good together!!).

US teen held in Kuwait returns home

2011-01-21T13:41:00.000-08:00

Mohamed says he was tortured while being detained in Kuwait at the behest of the US authorities [AP]

A US teenager stuck in Kuwait for a month after being placed on the US government's no-fly list was reunited with his family at a Washington airport.

Gulet Mohamed, 19, of Alexandria, Virginia, expressed concern for others who may be in the same situation he was in after greeting family members on Friday.

Mohamed claims he was blindfolded, beaten and tortured while he was detained for nearly a month in Kuwait at the behest of the US authorities.

"There are probably people out there being tortured like I was, whose voices are not being heard," he said.

His return to the US was delayed for weeks because US authorities had apparently placed him on the no-fly list.

His homecoming follows a lawsuit filed earlier this week in the US District Court of Alexandria.

'Wrongfully assumed'

The Council on American-Islamic Relations sued on Mohamed's behalf seeking an order that would require the government to allow the teenager to return to the US. But before a judge issued any order, a government lawyer said Mohamed had been released from detention in Kuwait and was heading back home.

In its lawsuit, CAIR alleges that the no-fly list has expanded dramatically in the last year and that 400,000 individuals have now been placed on the list.

Mohamed was born in Somalia but came to the US at age three and is a naturalised citizen. In March 2009, Mohamed travelled to Yemen and Somalia, where he still has family, to learn Arabic. He stayed in those countries for just a few months and settled in Kuwait in August 2009, where he lived with an uncle.

Gadeir Abbas, Mohamed's lawyer, said it is wrong for the government or anyone else to assume Mohamed was engaged in something nefarious because he travelled to Yemen and Somalia, two countries labelled as terrorism hot spots with the US state department.

For years, he said, Yemen has been a natural place to visit for people of Somali descent who want to learn Arabic.

"Somalis go to Yemen like Americans go to Canada," Mohamed’s lawyer said.

Taken From Al Jazeera

I've been warned many of times that even if you are a citizen Of America, you can be kicked out, without being deported. All they have to do is put you on the no-fly list once you are out of the country, you can't get back in. I really want to make Hijra, inshallah, and know that once its done I most likely can't come back. Allahu Alim. May Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala protect us from harm, ameen!!

Israel Starts Construction of hotel in Place of Historic Graveyard

2011-01-15T08:19:00.000-08:00

Israel Starts Construction Of Hotel In Place Of Historic Graveyard In Jaffa

Friday January 14, 2011 10:14 by Saed Bannoura - IMEMC & Agencies

The Al Aqsa Foundation for Islamic Waqf and Heritage reported that Israel started the construction of a touristic hotel over a historic Islamic graveyard adjacent to the Big Mosque in Jaffa.

The bulldozers removed dozens of old graves that were recently discovered in the site, and started preparations for constructing the hotel, the foundation said.

The site was used as a graveyard during the Mamlouk and the Ottoman era.

The Al Aqsa Foundation reported that the new hotel will include several subzero levels including a parking, an issue that will lead to the total destruction of the graveyard.

The foundation stated that the hotel will also affect the Big Mosque as it is attached to the graveyard, the site chosen for the new construction.

Taken from HERE.

He Tolerated the Harm of His Christian Neighbor for 20 years

2010-12-30T11:01:00.000-08:00

He Tolerated the Harm of His Christian Neighbor for 20 Years

by Lives of the Salaf (facebook) on Thursday, December 30, 2010 at 1:38pm

Assalaamu 'Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

In the name of Allah, the All-Merciful, the Most Merciful

“He Tolerated the Harm of His Christian Neighbor for 20 Years Which Was the Reason for His Acceptance of Islam

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a clear example from the Salaf (i.e. pious predecessors) of how to call to the religion of Allah indirectly with your character, as sometimes calling a person directly may not prove the most effective way. Many accepted Islam because of hearing about the divine character of Prophet Muhammad (Sallahu alaihi wa salam), even before they met him…as all of us did!

Hassan Al Basree (Rahimahillah) had a neighbor who was a Christian. This neighbor had a toilet on the roof of his apartment and it used to leak through a hole in the roof of Hassan Al Basree’s apartment. Hassan placed a bucket beneath the hole to catch the urine that would leak through it and discard the contents at the end of each day. This continued for 20 years.

Then one day, Hassan fell ill and his Christian neighbor came to visit him. When he entered, the neighbor noticed the bucket of urine that was leaking through the hole in his ceiling and asked Hassan astoundingly: “How long have you been tolerating this harm from me?!” Hassan replied: “For 20 years!”

So the Christian neighbor took off his belt (which was the clothing of the Christians during that time) and accepted Islam…!

True or False : The Praying Tree

2010-12-29T11:48:00.000-08:00

Subhanallah, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A TREE LIKE THIS??
Its pretty amazing, right?
And even if it isn't real *nanana not listening* I am going to pretend its real because it just look so cool.

And you never know, Allahu Alim, It just might be real.

Verchip- one step closer to a police state.

2010-12-18T11:54:00.000-08:00

VeriChip is a small microchip that can be inserted between the shoulder and elbow area of your body. It is also FDA approved. Each person will have a unique 16 digit number, that will allow you to be tracked, listened to, and immediately identified with all personal records such as medical history, background history (including work history). Not only can the government spy on you more, now your Boss can too.

What is this world coming to? You'd think the world wide zionist government would be happy with just cell phones, we all have them and it can do pretty much the same thing! Along with the chips in the pass ports and licenses!

May Allah swt protect us all.

p.s. In case you thought that it being FDA approved makes it a healthy choice, since it is surgically put in under anesthesia, you were wrong.
They tested this stuff on rats where 1% to 10% contracted a fast growing cancer.

REPOST WITH PIX Allah is the most amazing, the one and only creator.

2010-12-11T14:04:00.000-08:00

Edit: If the pictures don't show up this time, sorry I give up :))
The following is an email I received from my mom (one of those forward thingys). (And if you are reading this mom, I didn't see your email until today. Stupid fb spam!!!).

Here, a female swallow is injured and the condition is soon fatal. She was hit by a car as she swooped low across the road.

Here her mate brought her food and attended her
with love and compassion.

He brought her food again but was shocked to find her dead.

He tried to move her ... a rarely-seen effort for swallows!

Aware that his sweetheart is dead and will never
come back to him again, he cries with adoring love.

He stood beside her, saddened of her death.
Finally aware she would never return to him, he
stood beside her body with sadness and sorrow.
Millions of people cried after seeing these photos
The photographer sold these pictures for a
nominal fee to the most famous newspaper in France .
All copies of that edition were
sold out on the day these pictures were
published.
Many people think animals don't have brains or
feelings...
You have just witnessed Love and Sorrow felt by God's
creatures.
ALLAH SWT knows when a sparrow falls. How much more ALLAH SWT CARES FOR US.

Live simply, love generously, care deeply and speak

kindly.

Ha. Ha. Ha. Secret Asian Man.

2010-11-27T12:33:00.001-08:00

I was an addict. o.O

2010-11-26T09:36:00.001-08:00

Growing up I was addicted to reading books. I remember the teacher passing out a paper that we had to list all the books we read and the paper would have about ten lines for each book. I filled about four of those up a month. And they were all over 200 pages a book (at 11 years old, I thought this was pretty cool). (it was also why my home work wasn't getting done lol).

In my house hold there was also really strict rules about the books I was allowed to read. Nothing about sex, and nothing about magic. Those were the basic rules. That was because both of those went against the teachings of the Jehovah's Witnesses.

My best friend at the time was also a bookworm like me and we always would exchange books that we loved.

The first time I ever read about magic was from a book she gave me. I think it was called Witch Child and it was about a girl in the Salem Witch trials (who also happened to be a witch). I'm getting to a point so be patient. It instantly became a favorite, and then I moved on to Harry Potter. Then I moved on a story about Goddesses on earth, because they had magic powers too. And who doesn't want to have powers that could save their own butt or expose liars or idk...clean up their room? By the time I was done with the particular goddess series, I had read about thirty books having to do with magic. Then, because it was so interesting, I read a book behind the harry potter series and what do you know...a lot of the stuff in that book actually had to do with stuff people actually believed in! All those weird plants, creatures...the author didn't make them up herself, it was stuff that people all over had believed in at one point. Which was the time when I wanted to do some real research into the mythology behind all of that. And from that, since I pretend I'm a little author, I started my own stories.

My point is, something as simple as harry potter can have a big impact on a kid. It started as something innocent and grew into something gross. It can seem harmless in the beginning, but by the end you end knowing what I knew: a bunch of pointless crap.

Divination with sticks, bones, water, smoke on mirrors. Telling the future by putting mirrors under your pillow. Chairs with devils, 3:00 a.m. appearances.... Ok, so I didn't actually PRACTICE these. But I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't interested.

The reason I was thinking about this was because of the new Harry Potter movie that has come out and how soo many muslims are like ALRIGHT! I AM THERE! MIDNIGHT SHOWING HERE I COME! And seriously, I just want to warn them like, do you realize that your nine year old cousin is going to be completely enthralled in this movie and will NOT HATE MAGIC?

I already know I'm going to get comments saying that its JUST A MOVIE and JUST A BOOK and who would think of it seriously?? Well, I was no crazy kid and I definitely knew the difference between reality and fiction, but it would be an outright lie to say that, even though books with magic and movies with magic that make it seem ok, can do no harm. Especially to the little ones who will end up loving it. The movies are meant to make you love it, so its not like its a hard thing to believe.

We all know Magic is 100% WRONG and is considered SHIRK so even though these movies might seem great, they are the exact thing Allah swt hates. We should hate them too for the sake of Allah swt.

Surah Al-Falaq (translation of meaning)
Say: "I seek refuge with (Allah) the Lord of the daybreak,

2. "From the evil of what He has created;

3. "And from the evil of the darkening (night) as it comes with its darkness; (or the moon as it sets or goes away).

4. "And from the EVIL of the witchcrafts when they blow in the knots,

5. "And from the evil of the envier when he envies."

p.s. I'm too lazy right now to check my writing and spelling, sorry.
ok let the hater comments roll....lol.

Follow the Salaf

2010-10-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

Asalaamu Alaikum Everyone!

So really quick I just wanted to talk about Salafi's. I hear a lot of people comparing Salafi's and Wahabi's and, most of the time, putting them down.

Now I don't know anything about "wahabi's", other than Al-Wahab is one of the 99 names of Allah swt meaning "The Bestower".

For a long time I've been really confused about Salafi. Why do so many muslims insult them? Most of the time I've found these people understand their religion more than a lot of other people.

I think I've finally got it figured out.

From what I've heard, there are actually muslims out there who have created a sect called salafi. They are still sunni, but they still consider themselves 'salafi'.

Now, I also find that a lot of muslims have NO IDEA WHO THE SALAF ARE! So, here is a definetion: The salaf are the "Pious Forbears", or the Prophet Mohammed sws and the immediate (three) generations following.

So, to wrap this short post up, we should follow the salaf, but not create a new sect called salafi. However, it does not mean you should be scared to say "I'm salafi" (or salafiyun?) as long as you mean that you follow the salaf- not meaning you are in the sect.

Here is a very short audio video of Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen (Rahimullah) discussing this very issue.

P.S. I recommend anyone who has no real knowledge of this (meaning you've never personally checked it out) to research it. I had so many people telling me different things, and all I knew for sure was that I would be following the Salaf. May Allah swt guide us all and make us of the pious believers, Ameen.

I'm sorry, but can you touch me with your foot?

2010-10-22T15:12:00.001-07:00

I love going to the Masjid, and praying with my sisters in Islam. Its definitely a heart warmer, and an Iman boost. Hearing the imam say Allahu Akbar and moving in a rhythm to worship the one and only God is such a calming experience.

It starts when we all stand up and go to pray. We make nice straights rows, shoulder to shoulder, and while most are content and ready to start salaat...

I usually have one little issue.
No one is putting their feet next to mine. It usually looks something like this:
Notice how their feet are to themselves?

Now don't think I'm getting all high and mighty here ok. Lol. I didn't know that the feet were suppose to touch either until I got married and my husband told me. I was like WHAT NUH-UH! Because HELLO I've learned how to pray and not ONCE did it say in any of those how-to's say to make sure your feet touch.

The reason I didn't know, though, is because you only do that when you pray in congregation (of course) and another reason is because the imam tells the men, not the women, since he is in the men section (again, of course) and there fore the women are left out on that little tid-bit.

But I promise, its true. Look at the following hadith:

It was narrated that al-Nu’maan ibn Basheer said:

“The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to face the people and said, ‘Straighten your rows,’ three times, ‘for by Allaah either you straighten your rows or Allaah will create division among your hearts.’ And I saw men standing shoulder to shoulder, knee to knee, ankle to ankle.”

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 662; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 616.

So when praying, it is suppose to look like this (and also NOT like this):

So, maybe I am the only one who was oblivious to the foot rule, and maybe it just so happens that the women at my masjid are too. BUT if you are too, now you know! yay! lol.

And I know its really awkward telling someone you do not know "hey, touch my foot with yours" because then they might be like OHMAHGAWD who am I praying next to, but inshallah you will be rewarded for letting them know :). And also, don't let anyone make you do the splits, pull the people closer to you so that your shoulders are touching in order to do this. I am often caught in the splits situation and am determined to stop it! loll.

Sometimes, we all lose things.

2010-10-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

I hate miscarriages. I mean, who doesn't?

I guess what makes it worse is when your husband takes it really hard. When you still have contractions, and have to refuse pain killers from the doctors. When instead you refuse a D&C and drive home to miscarriage the baby naturally, and you still see bits and pieces that you know are human but still are not human.

What makes it not so hard is the fact that its real, you can accept it, and when you accept it inshallah you can have Sabr (patience) by Allah's swt will.

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah upon him, said, "By the One in Whose hands is my soul, the miscarried fetus will drag his mother to paradise by his [umbilical] cord if she was patient [with the miscarriage], hoping to be rewarded." [Ahmad]

What else do you say? It could have been a boy. It could have been a girl. It could have said mama and baba and it could have said la ilaha ilallah. But instead the baby is in Jannah, and will never have to suffer this awful world and if I can make it through and be faithful to my Rabb I can meet that child one day.

Warning!! Graphic Pictures!!

2010-10-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

While looking for pictures of babies (yes I'm obsessed lol) I came across a picture that while disturbing (in a graphic kind of way)and it was absolutely beautiful!!

But again it is GRAPHIC. Just a warning :D
Scroll down to see.....

Wanting to get a closer look and background at the picture, I found that it was on a blog. The story behind this is the child needed to be operated on, and could not leave the womb (or uterus), being only 20 weeks gestation I believe.

After an incision (opening) was made in the uterus, the baby thrust its hand out and grabbed the doctors finger. SUBHANALLAH! How amazing and beautiful is that? In the post it mentioned that the doctor said it was the single most emotional event ever to take place in his life, and when it happened it made him completely immobile for a few moments.

Again, this is utterly amazing and beautiful.

To read more, here is the link : http://blog.dorries.org/arc-2008_March.aspx Scroll down until you see the picture, I couldn't get a direct link so there are maybe four posts before that one.

Home Birth

2010-10-17T14:25:00.000-07:00

I was at the masjid yesterday and one of the sisters told a story about her first child (she's had 7 mashallah) and how the hospital overdosed him on drugs (most likely it was on pitocin). I told her that is EXACTLY why I am, inshallah, one day going to have a home birth when I have children.

Then of course, they all GASPED :O.

And proceeded to warn me that giving birth at home is very very dangerous and that it is going to be so messy.

lol. Why do I even say things like this?

Because, in fact, giving birth at home is safer than giving birth at a hospital. There is a less mortality rate, less cesarean rate, and little to no tearing (episiotomy's pointless!).

And why is this folks? Because, alhamdullilah, believe it or not OUR BODIES WERE MADE FOR DELIVERING BABIES. Its such a great thing too, and its actually not a medical event. You could try to NOT push and NOT have that baby- and without you even pushing you WILL give birth to that child. SUBHANALLAH its amazing!!

Now this is why I'm against the medicine they give at hospitals. It goes something like this.

1) They hook you up to i.v.'s. They do this to keep you from dehydrating.
2) They do not let you drink or eat anything once they start to induce you. They do this so you don't throw up (just in case) you could choke to death. This being because you are on your back, which is medically THE WORST POSSIBLE POSITION TO EVER EVER give birth in. Oh, and throwing up is messy so of course everyone rather to not clean it up.
3)Because they do not allow you to drink or eat, they hook you up to i.v.'s. (I know, practically sounds like I ran around in a circle and repeated myself).
4) Then, the medicine they give you to help speed along your contractions (so you can give birth in the time that they deem is correct) which makes you have VERY VERY strong contractions.
5) In fact, this same medicine, actually makes you labor longer.
6) So because the contractions are so strong, so fast, and (most likely you can't even feel your contractions anyway by now) your baby has now gone into distress.
7) So now that your baby is in danger, because of the medicine that was given to you, you now have no choice but to have a c-section.
8) After your baby is born, and you now are having staples put onto your stomach, they say thank god you were at a hospital so they could save your baby.

Again, that is why I'm having a natural, no medicine, home birth. Inshallah!
Of course if you are high risk, or something else has been detected to be wrong with your pregnancy, then the hospital is an absolutely PERFECT way to give birth. Because then you do need medical intervention. Most of the time, however, the problems that occur are usually the hospitals fault. Well, the MEDICINE's fault actually. The doctors and nurses are just doing their job.

I've been to live births at hospital and subhanallah the medical rape those women went through was agonizing. They didn't understand that their bodies could handle giving birth without medical intervention and yallah I felt so bad for them. I've also seen home births and mashallah it was something so peaceful, private, and wonderful to experience.

The women at the masjid asked me who would clean up the mess- I told them my husband, to which they absolutely laughed at and said "no no, its much too messy." Um, again I've seen hospital births and home births and NEITHER of those are very messy. I mean yeah maybe if you're up walking around as you are bleeding, but no...you labor over some chux pads and wisk that away and you're good. And even if it was, my husband would definitely clean it up. He's not some man who waits in the hall way as his wife gives birth, hell no!

Alhamdullilah I'm very glad that I myself (and my three brothers and sister) were all born at home. Thanks for looking out for me mom, you're the best ;).

p.s. I know most of you women probably did have your children at a hospital, so don't think I am dissing any of you at all. Most likely you probably had no clue about what the medicine does to you (look up yourself, I SWEAR I'm not making it up) because we were raised only thinking that hospitals are the way to go and besides it wouldn't be your fault anyway. But since you've read this, I URGE AND BEG YOU TO CHECK OUT HOME BIRTHS! and also, home birth doesn't mean giving birth by yourself (though people do that too, mashallah!!!). It means giving birth with a midwife, a completely certified person who has seen many live births before they themselves delivered children (where as many ob's help deliver a child without having EVER seen it done in person before their first time).

To read more about home births:
http://www.pregnancy-info.net/homebirths.html

Here are stories about UNASSISTED HOME BIRTHS :
http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/ucstories/index.html

Story about a Home Birth with a Midwife:
http://www.modernwife.com/home-birth.html

And a movie by Ricki Lake and why she had home birth (the best movie out there you HAVE TO SEE IT!!) http://www.letmewatchthis.com/movie-5995-The-Business-of-Being-Born
That is a direct link to download and watch the movie.
(She is giving birth in a pool, a VERY good way to give birth because it is relaxing, and also helps when you stretch so your perineum does not rip!! Don't worry, its impossible for your baby to drown inshallah :D )

EDIT: Our lovely Sakeenah pointed out in the comments that while you might have to be very hard nosed about your decision, you CAN have a completely natural birth while in the hospital, inshallah. There are usually midwives that work at OB/GYN offices and they tend to always assist births at hospitals.

Also, you can have a natural home birth at a BIRTHING CENTER, which is like a little hospital for midwives. The birthing center is where women who want natural birth can go to a facility, to a room usually very comfortable like they would have at home...they can walk, eat, video record, and have as many people as they want there.

I'm in Love.

2010-09-29T08:08:00.000-07:00

I love roses that come as a surprise.

I love chocolate pretzels (who only the husband knew are my favorite).

I love the fact that its raining like crazy here.

Most of all I love Allah swt and Prophet Mohammed sws.

I'm kind of obsessed with them and Islam.

I talk about Islam ALL THE TIME! Mostly to my husband who has a fascination with Islam like I do. Or to my sister, who is just like wow really? I didn't know Prophet Sulomon (A.s.) went to the desert with some men to pray for rain but instead he saw a little ant raising his arms to the sky making dua for the same thing himself!! I know. Its pretty amazing subhanallah. Can you imagine those little arms?

Alhamdullilah reading can really help when you need to defend Islam, also. Like for example SORRY MEN, BUT ALHAMDULLILAH YOU SIN IF YOU DO NOT GROW YOUR BEARD AND TRIM YOUR MUSTACHE. Its a sunnah- our beloved Prophet Mohammed sws did this...oh and yes it is waajib. (Its funny, a man who doesn't grow his beard will usually have a harder accepting it than a man who is already growing his beard).

Okay, sorry, random post over.

Ashadu an la ilaha illa Allah, wa ashadu anna Muhammadan rasoolu Allah

أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

There is no god but the one god Allah and Mohammed is his messenger.

(Some people forget the first part, or forget the second part. Don't forget either).

Marry your COUSIN?

2010-09-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

Ok so first of all, marrying your cousin is completely halal (permissible). This is because they are not considered to be directly related to you, such as your father or his siblings (or like your own siblings) so therefore they are not mahram and can be married.

In the U.S. and many of other European countries (and I'm sure elsewhere) it is mostly disliked to marry your cousin (even illegal to marry first cousins unless one is 50 years old and medically sterile), they are seen to be too close to marry (actually, marrying ANYONE from your family, even if they were your cousin 40 times removed and there only through marriage would seem despicable). This wasn't how it always was- up until about a hundred years ago when women were still wearing corsets and their father chose who they married, cousins married cousins.

There are cultures and people even who are muslim who are against this, too. They TOO see cousins to be the equivalent to brothers and sisters. So most of the time, they are raised as such. There are never any boundaries set such as when the girls and boys become older, hijab is not worn because it is not deemed to be necessary. They are allowed to spend all the time in the world together with no consequences (from the parents or guardians).

I just have to say, this is wrong. I've seen the effects it has first hand.

It is haraam to treat non-mahram as mahram, and the fact that it is disobeying Allah swt should be the first and final reason to not commit the act.

And subhanallah, Allah swt is the best of planners, the knower of all, and who are we to say nooo they are only cousins, like brothers and sisters!

I know 3 women who were in the exact situation. They grew up together (with their cousins), hung out like best friends, did everything together.

The first boy/girl cousin relationship eventually blossomed into love and they were married alhamdullilah. They are very, very much in love as husband and wife and have children together.

The second relationship (who I distantly know) was sadly a disaster. When the girl became older it came out that the boy had been molesting and taking advantage of the girl from a very young age- about the time she hit puberty (I think something like 9). He was able to do so because they were always left alone together, seeing as how the family felt their relationship was adorable, sincere, and one that could be nothing else but innocence again like that of a brother and sister.

Finally, the third relationship. This one is a bit of a twist. When the two children grew up into young adults, they became engaged. They stayed engaged for about a year, and then threw a huge wedding, both over seas and in the U.S.. Their family was very close-knit, alhamdullilah, and it was a very happy occasion that it would be even closer.
However, they were divorced less than a month later because they could not consummate the marriage, which underlined the bigger issue that since they were forced to grow up so close together- they couldn't get past the feel of disgust for one another (in the sense of sexual intimacy)! Furthermore, the family now has a strained relationship (which alhamdullilah is being worked on but their divorce is still in the first year so they are still healing).

If the simple rule of keeping non-mahram away from girls was kept, all the bad from these stories could have been avoided inshallah and all the good could have been attained, by the will of Allah swt.

It might seem like a simple rule to dismiss but clearly it is not. Inshallah I hope someone reads this and it helps them to understand the ruling of it, or at least reaffirm their own beliefs to follow the halal and stay away from the haraam. May Allah swt guide us and make us of the believers, always. Ameen.

hahahahaha I can eat and you can'tttttttt (Jk. May Allah swt bless you all for fasting ameen!)

2010-08-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

Ramadan Kareem! Ramadan Mubarak! Happy Ramadan! (Pick one you like, I'm usually told I say it wrong no matter what combo I choose lol).
I know, I'm late saying it. Later than all the other people who are late.
But again, its really not my fault. This time, my computer is acting up.
But all is well.

Inshallah I hope all of you are doing well with fasting and controlling your anger and all that jazz.
I, of course, am one of those people who are not fasting due to the reasons I'm sure the women all know.

Which started the day of ramadan.
*alhamdullilah*

We've been settling into the house nicely alhamdullilah and we even ditched the very ghetto A/C I was telling everyone about. :OIts been about two hours since unplugging it and opening all the windows and fans and while it is hot if you take a cold shower and then sit really still afterward its actually not that bad.

Oh. And I even made pigs-in-a-blanket. When the guy at work heard me say I cooked he was like "No way! You don't cook!" to which I replied "wth! Yes I do!" and he said, "I know you're lying, because [your husband] doesn't eat pig!" lolll. So the husband had to explain what pigs-in-a-blanket was. Except that it actually is usually made with pig and I just substituted it with beef.

I know I just told you a story about the simplest thing to make in the world, but you guys, the husband doesn't know that. He's never had it before so HA! I WIN! HE THINKS IT WAS HARD! AND I AM FOREVER MORE A SPECTACULAR COOK!

My Aunt just made it back from summer vacation with the kids. Whenever they go over seas they also make umraah, mashallah alhamdullilah, and so she brought me back a prayer scarf/skirt. I always thought that those scarves should have arms so when you lift your hands/arms to do something they wouldn't show. I take it back though because the one my Aunt actually bought me has sleeves and whenever I put it on I feel like this guy:

Just color a little bit around his face as white and there you go. That's me. Please ignore the fact I just compared myself to a McDonald's character.

Remember when I posted this?? Prisoner No. 650 * AFIA SIDDIQUI *

2010-08-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

Remember when I posted that story about Dr. Aafia Siddiqui?

I kind of blew it off, like it wasn't true or something. Because I wasn't sure.

I take it back.

This poor woman has been raped, tortured, and charged with nothing until she tried to defend herself (and even then they can't get the story straight).

May allah swt protect this woman and give her Janna. Here is the link (www.justiceforaafia.org) so you can find out more. No one should face the evils she has..

May the people who have done this to her rot in the deepest, most horrible pit of hell.

If you have any heart, any compassion, you'll read:

HER STORY:

BACKGROUND

Dr. Aafia Siddiqui was born on 2 March 1972 in Karachi, Pakistan. She is one of three siblings. Aafia’s father Mohammad Siddiqui was a UK-trained doctor and her mother, Ismet, is a homemaker. Aafia has three children: Ahmed (b. 1996), Maryam (b. 1998), and Suleman (b. 2002), the latter of whom remains missing to this day.

Aafia moved to Texas in 1990 to be near her brother, and after spending a year at the University of Houston, transferred to Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). Siddiqui's fellow students say she was a quiet, studious woman who was devout in her religious beliefs but far from the media characterisation of 'Lady Qaeda'. A fellow student, Hamza, recalled in an interview with the BBC, "I remember Aafia as being sweet, mildly irritating but harmless".

During her time at MIT, Aafia joined the campus Muslim Student Association (MSA) and was actively involved in efforts to portray the teachings of Islam to non-Muslims in order to better their understanding of her faith and invite them to Islam. Her emphasis in her life on bettering the conditions of Muslims even pervaded her academic achievements. During her sophomore year at MIT, she won a grant of $5,000 to study the effects of Islam on women living in Pakistan. In addition to her many academic achievements, Aafia earned the honourable status of committing the entire Qur’an to memory.

Following her graduation, Aafia married a medical student Mohammed Amjad Khan. She subsequently entered Brandeis University as a graduate student in cognitive neuroscience. Citing the difficulty of living as Muslims in the United States after 9/11 and following FBI harassment of her husband, Aafia and her husband returned to Pakistan. They stayed in Pakistan for a short time, and then returned to the United States. They remained there until 2002, and then moved back to Pakistan. Some problems developed in their marriage, and Aafia was eight months pregnant with their third child when she and Khan were separated. She and the children stayed at her mother’s house, while Khan lived elsewhere in Karachi. After giving birth to her son, Aafia stayed at her mother’s house for the rest of the year, returning to the US without her children around December 2002 to look for a job in the Baltimore area, where her sister had begun working at Sinai Hospital. On 1 March 2003, Pakistani authorities arrested Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Aafia and her children disappeared just 27 days later.

DISAPPEARANCE

According to Aafia’s mother, Aafia left their home in Gulshan-e-Iqbal in a Metro-cab on 28 March, 2003 to catch a flight to Rawalpindi, but never reached the airport. In February 2010 Aafia’s eldest son returned to the scene and described how, when he, his mother and siblings came out of their home, fifteen to twenty people, including a ‘white lady’ and members of the ISI, were waiting in three to four vehicles on the next street and subsequently kidnapped them. Aafia was placed into one black car and the crying children into another. She described to her lawyer that she was immediately hooded and drugged. When she awoke she was tied to a gurney in a place that could not have been Karachi because the air was very dry.

Following her trial, Aafia’s lawyer Elaine Sharpe, described how Aafia’s baby, Suleman, was believed to have been killed during the arrest. Dr Siddiqui was later shown a picture of her baby, lying in a pool of blood. It is not known if Suleman, who would now be 7 years old, is alive.

Pakistani papers mentioned reports the following day that a woman had been taken into custody of terrorism charges and confirmation came from a Pakistan Interior Ministry spokesman. The media reported that Aafia Siddiqui had been 'picked up in Karachi by an intelligence agency' and 'shifted to an unknown place for questioning'. A year later, the press quoted a Pakistani government spokesman who said that she had been handed over to US authorities in 2003.

Aafia Siddiqui had been missing for more than a year when the FBI put her photographs on its website.

Aafia’s mother described in a BBC interview in 2003, how a 'man wearing a motor-bike helmet' which he did not remove, arrived at the family residence and warned her that if she ever wanted to see her daughter and grandchildren again, she should keep quiet. Both the Pakistan government as well as US officials in Washington denied any knowledge of Aafia’s custody. Aafia's sister, Fowzia also says that she was told by the then Interior Minister Syed Faisal Saleh Hayat in 2004 that Aafia had been released and would return home soon

At almost precisely the same time that Aafia went missing, two other alleged Al Qaeda suspects disappeared from Karachi - Majid Khan and 'Ali 'Abd al-'Aziz 'Ali. They would be amongst hundreds arrested by the Pakistani intelligence services and handed over to the FBI and CIA as part of the War on Terror. Like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Khan and Ali would not reappear again until September 2006, following their transfer from CIA custody, where they were reportedly tortured including the use of waterboarding, to Guantanamo.

SECRET DETENTION

Aafia claims that she was kidnapped by the Pakistani intelligence services with her children and transferred into US custody. She further alleges that she was detained in a series of secret prisons for five years during which time she was repeatedly abused, tortured and raped. Aafia’s claim is substantiated by former Bagram detainees who affirmed the presence of a female detainee of Pakistani origin at Bagram, with the prisoner ID “650”. The International Committee for the Red Cross also confirmed that a woman had been detained at Bagram. Immediately after his release from Guantanamo in 2009, ex-Bagram detainee, Binyam Mohamed declared that the woman he saw in Bagram, with the prison no. 650, was indeed Aafia Siddiqui.

The US has previously denied the presence of female detainees in Bagram and that Aafia was ever held there, bar for medical treatment (after they shot her) in July 2008.

Little is known about what happened to Aafia and her children in the five years in which they were missing. However, in October 2009, when Aafia was visited by a Pakistani parliamentary delegation she spoke a little about the five years in which she had been disappeared, saying “I have been through living hell”. She described being given an injection and when she came to, she was in a cell. She said she was being brainwashed by men who spoke perfect English, who may have been Afghans. She did not think they were Pakistanis. She described being forced to make false confessions and sign statements. She alleged that she had been tortured although she provided no details. She was also told by her captors that if she did not co-operate, her children would suffer. During her trial, Aafia alluded to being tortured in secret prisons, to being raped, her children being tortured, and being threatened to be “sent back to the bad guys” – men she described as sounding like Americans but could not be “real Americans” but “pretend Americans” due to the treatment they had subjected her to. After her trial it emerged that the government of Pakistan had put a gag order on Aafia’s family in exchange for releasing her eldest son Ahmed.

Aafia's lawyers, Elaine Sharpe and Elizabeth Fink, would later corroborate this by stating publicly that she had "been through years of detention, whose interrogators were American, who endured treatment fairly characterised as horrendous" and that she had been "tortured".

RE-ARREST IN AFGHANISTAN

On 7 July 2008, a press conference led by British journalist Yvonne Ridley, in Pakistan resulted in mass international coverage of Aafia’s case as her disappearance was questioned by the media and political figures in Pakistan. Within weeks, the US administration reported that she was arrested by Afghani forces along with her 13 year old son, outside the governor of Ghazni’s compound, allegedly with manuals on explosives and ‘dangerous substances in sealed jars’ on her person. Her lawyers claim that the evidence was planted on her. Aafia would later testify during her trial that the bag in which the evidence was found was not her own and was given to her, being unaware of its contents. She also claimed that the handwritten notes were forcibly copied from a magazine under threat of torture of her children. She recalledthe presence of a boy at the Ghazni police station whom she believed could have been her son, but could not know with certainty since they had been separate for several years.

On 3 August 2008 an agent from the FBI visited the home of her brother in Houston, Texas and confirmed that she was being detained in Afghanistan. On Monday 4 August 2008, federal prosecutors in the US confirmed that Aafia Siddiqui had been extradited to the US from Afghanistan where they alleged she had been detained since mid-July 2008. They further allege that whilst in custody she fired at US officers (none being injured) and was herself shot twice in the process. Aafia confirmed during her trial that she was hiding behind a curtain in the prison, as the US claim, with the intent of escaping as she feared being returned to a secret prison, but categorically denied picking up the gun or attempting to shoot anyone. Aafia was charged in the US with assaulting and attempted murder of US personnel in Afghanistan.

RELEASE OF AHMED SIDDIQUI

In late August 2008, Michael G Garcia, the US attorney general of the southern region confirmed in a letter to Dr Fowzia Siddiqui that Aafia’s son, Ahmed had been in the custody of the FBI since 2003 and was he was currently in the custody of the Karzai government. Earlier the US ambassador to Pakistan, Anne W Patterson had earlier claimed that Washington has no information regarding the children.

According to an Afghan Interior Ministry official quoted in the Washington Post, Ahmed Siddiqui was briefly held by the Interior Ministry after his arrest in July 2008 and was thereafter transferred to an Afghan intelligence agency, the National Directorate of Security (NDS), notorious for its brutal treatment of detainees, despite the fact he was too young to be treated as a criminal suspect under both Afghan and international law. Under Afghanistan's Juvenile Code, the minimum age of criminal responsibility is 13 and according to the UN Committee on the Rights of the Child a minimum age of criminal responsibility below the age of 12 is "not internationally acceptable."

Ahmed was finally released to the custody of Aafia’s family in Pakistan in September 2009.

He later gave a statement to police in Lahore, Pakistan, that he had been held in a juvenile prison in Afghanistan for years. On being reunited with his father for the first time, he ran away screaming in horror, claiming that his father was amongst those who used to beat him in Afghanistan.

THE TRIAL

The trial of Aafia Siddiqui began Tuesday 19 January 2010, in a Manhattan federal courtroom. Prior to the jury entering the courtroom, Aafia turned to onlookers saying; "This isn't a fair court, (...) Why do I have to be here? (...) There are many different versions of how this happened," referring to the alleged shooting.

Three government witnesses testified on the opening day of the trial; Army Capt. Robert Snyder, John Threadcraft, a former army officer and John Jefferson, an FBI agent. Both were stationed in Afghanistan at the time of the alleged assault and murder attempt.

During the trial, while Snyder testified that Aafia had been arrested with a handwritten note outlining plans to attack the Empire State Building, the Brooklyn Bridge and Wall Street, Aafia disrupted the proceedings with a loud outburst aimed at Snyder, after, which she proclaimed her innocence stating; "Since I'll never get a chance to speak, if you were in a secret prison.. where children were tortured... This is no list of targets against New York. I was never planning to bomb it. You're lying."

In the morning before the closing remarks, the last government witness, FBI Special Agent, Angela Sercer testified. Sercer monitored Aafia for 12 hours a day over a two week period while she was at a hospital in Bagram. She tried to rebut Aafia Siddiqui’s testimony, by saying that Aafia told her she was in “hiding” for the last five years and further that she “married” someone to change her name.

However under cross examination, Sercer admitted that while at the hospital Aafia expressed fear of “being tortured”. Sercer also admitted that Aafia expressed concern about the “welfare of the boy” and asked about him “every day”. Moreover, that Aafia only agreed to talk to her upon promises that the boy would be safe. According to the testimony Aafia said that the Afghans had “beaten her”; that her “husband had beaten her and her children”; and that she was “afraid of coming into physical harm”.

When Sercer was further questioned about what Aafia said about her children during that two week period, she admitted that Aafia expressed concern about the “safety and welfare of her children”, but felt that the “kids had been killed or tortured in a secret prison”. “She said that they were dead, didn’t she” asked Defence attorney, Elaine Sharpe; reluctantly Sercer answered, “Yes.”

The trial took an unusual turn with an FBI official asserting that the finger prints taken from the rifle, which was purportedly used by Aafia to shoot at the U.S. interrogators, did not match hers. Another event complicated the case further, when the testimony of witness Masood Haider Gul appeared different from the one given by U.S. Captain Schnieder earlier. The defence denied all charges, stating that "the soldiers had given different versions of where she was when the M-4 was allegedly fired and how many shots were fired."

The trial lasted for 2 weeks and the jury deliberated for 2 days before reaching a verdict. On February 3, 2010, she was convicted and found guilty on all counts. , despite the following discrepancies:

· The court proceedings were flawed, and limited to the incident in Ghazni, which itself lacked concrete evidence.

· It is still unexplained how a frail, 110 pound woman, confronted with three US army officers, two interpreters and two FBI agents managed to assault three of them, snatch a rifle from one of them, open fire at close range, hit no one, but she herself was wounded.

· There were no fingerprints on the gun.

· There was no gunshot residue from the gun.

· There were no bullet holes in the walls from that particular gun.

· There were no bullets cases or shells in the area from the specified gun.

· The testimony of the government’s six eyewitnesses contradicted each other.

· The statements Aafia made to FBI agent Angela Sercer were made whilst she was under 24 hour surveillance by FBI agents in the hospital at Bagram, with her arms and legs tied to a bed for weeks, several types of meidcation, sleep-deprived and at the mercy of the agent for food, water and in order to relieve herself. Sercer did not identify herself to Aafia as a FBI agent. The use of these statements in court were objected to by the defence on the basis of ‘Miranda laws’ which mandate that a detainee must be informed of their rights, have access to an attorney, or in the case of international law, consular staff and law enforcement officials must identify themselves. Despite this the judge denied the motion and allowed this to form part of the questioning.

· Aafia’s disappearance, torture and missing children were not at all addressed during the court case.

CURRENT STATUS

Aafia is due to be sentenced on 6th May 2010 and faces up to 60 years in prison for attempted murder and armed assault.

Following her conviction, she remains at the Metropolitan Detention Centre in New York where she has spent the best part of her detention in the US. Throughout that time, she has been subject to humilitating and degrading strip and cavity searches, prompting her to refuse legal visits on many occasions. Since the beginning of March Aafia has been refused all contact with her family and has not been permitted any letters, phonecalls, visits or reading material under the pretext of “the security of the nation.”

In April 2010, a 12 year old girl was left outside the resident of Fowzia Siddiqui in Karachi by unidentified men claiming she was the missing daughter of Aafia Siddiqui. Although initially it was thought that she was not Aafia's daughter, following DNA tests conducted by the Pakistani government, the Interior Minister Rehman Malik confirmed that the tests proved that the child was indeed Aafia's daughter, Maryam, and that her DNA matched that of Ahmed Siddiqui (Aafia's eldest son) and their father, Amjad Khan. Dr Fowzia intended to carry out their own independent investigation to confirm the girl's identity. In a press conference Senate Committee for Interior Chairman, Senator Talha Mehmood reported that Maryam Siddiqui was recovered from Bagram airbase in the custody of an American - in the Urdu-language press, an American soldier - called "John". He also said that she had been kept for seven years in a 'cold, dark room' in Bagram airbase.

The whereabouts and welfare of Aafia’s youngest son, Suleman remains a mystery.

MOOZ-lum.

2010-08-04T10:50:00.000-07:00

Turned off by the title, but I guess this movie is going to be all about breaking stereotypes- hence the name mooz-lum.

The trailer premier is going to be on August 8 at 7:00pm - August 29 at 11:30pm. Here is the link to get more info!!!! check it out everyone.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4475854&id=520055819&ref=album#!/event.php?eid=148102205204155&index=1

Living.

2010-08-02T09:56:00.001-07:00

For the past week I've been without internet and if that isn't cruel and unusual torture I really don't know what is. The whole reason my internet went haywire is because I moved into my own house and the internet I guess didn't want to move with me.

But yes, I moved...INTO MY OWN HOUSE! Alhamdullilah!! I've been waiting for this to happen for such a long time and allahu akbar its finally happened. It was kind of beat up, but after many hours of working non stop in about 90 degree weather (A/C isn't working either) we got things in working order and I'm in love with the place. We even have A/C in our room (including plexi glass, card board, and garbage bags to keep the air from coming in our out). My MIL told me not even people in her country have anything like that.

I didn't really expect missing my in-laws though. I do. Because folks.

Now I have to cook.

(p.s. not the only reason i miss them lol).

I can cook. If I have a cook book. The problem is I don't and I'm too lazy to get one or look it up online so right now I'm just winging it with things I know how to make. Eventually I need to wow the main man with some intense arabish stuff or at least buy it from the local arab food market who cook anything you want for you and then I can pretend I made it! Yeah!

The other good thing about living alone...is we are ALONE! We can go to the pool (which is also exclusively ours) whenever we want (replacing the midnight walks) and hell, I can wear whatever I want in the house. Also, I don't have to hear anyone giving unnecessary "advice" if not needed.

I'll catch up on all of your blogs later. For now, I have to go cook.

Hijab: For the non-muslim?

2010-07-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

I saw a video on youtube about non-muslims wearing the scarf, and I'm sure some of you have actually seen the youtube vlog of the 'non-muslim hijabi'.

Basically these videos are about as the title describes: A non-muslim woman wearing the scarf. Some do it just because they think it is beautiful, some do it for skin protection, and others find that in the bible women are ordered to wear the scarf and so they want to start doing it also.

My thoughts on it? Well I think its a good thing. I mean, less sins for them, right? I don't know how much good it would do in the sin department since they aren't Muslim you know, but if a woman wishes to become more modest then good. :) All the more power to her.

In fact, I'm sure a lot of you also know that its really not that un-common for other people who are not muslim to cover up.

Like (orthodox) Jewish women:

Or a lot of non-muslim desi women:

Actually, even a lot of muslim women wear their scarf like the above picture, but of course that's not hijab. They might as well take if off since their hair is still showing.

The only tiny problem I do have with a non-muslim wearing the scarf like proper hijab is that anyone who see's her would think she is a muslim. And say she did something really bad, it could make people think Oh look what the muslim is doing.

What do you think? Should non muslim women wear the headscarf like muslim women do??

Have you ever believed your own lie?

2010-07-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

I know its random, but im amazed at how much i use to force myself to believe my own lies just to make one person happy!! But today i got some old notebooks from my aunt and i was flipping through one...when i saw a whole page filled with the words 'its all a lie'. Now i remember i was so unhappy with some people in my life but i kept pretending i wasnt, until i forced myself to tell the truth on a peice of paper. Then of course i made myself forget it all over again. (until a later time when i was just so unhappy i cut off all ties with this person and still refuse to ever speak to them again). Has anything like this ever happened to you? Have u ever sucked it up and stayed unhappy and made pretend like you were still ok? (just so ya'll know writing this mobile so sorry for any spelling errors lol)

Questions about Islam, false 'islamic' websites.

2010-06-29T20:22:00.001-07:00

You guys, I'm so bummed out right now.

I was on facebook and there was an advertisement about a website where you can learn about islam live, for free.

So I went on it.

First of all, for the most part the sister I could tell spoke the truth alhamdullilah. Now, I didn't like how she did it. She was very abrasive, made the questioners seem 'stupid'. For example one sister asked if she was living in public housing (the projects) and when the maintance man came to fix stuff her husband had asked for her to stand outside. Winter was coming, so she was wondering if she had to? Ok, so maybe she shouldn't have to. But the sister telling the answer to her question was totally putting her husband down saying he needs to get a job, get two or three, and get her in the suburbs, or if he's so 'fanatical' about it he needs to be home to take care of things! The poor woman could only say a meek "well he's trying..." because she even said he needs to stop living off of your welfare checks.

What the hell? Who is she to so meanly put her husband down? He could have asked her to stay outside in the kindest way, totally not realizing the problem that lay ahead! And obviously it wasn't just me being offended if the wife was defending her husband.

Ok so the biggest thing that upset me was a woman asked if a muslimah is raped, and becomes pregnant, is it halal to have an abortion.

The sister said yes, even the scholars say so.

When i asked why, she said BECAUSE SHE WAS RAPED! WE HAVE TECHONOLOGY FROM ALLAH SWT SO WE ARE ALLOWED TO DO THIS! WOULD YOU WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR BASTARD CHILD AND KNOW THAT HIS FATHER RAVAGED YOU?

I said Yes, I would keep the child.

UGH!

So I understand that it would be a hard thing to do, no doubt, but i would never once in my life murder a child who had nothing to do with what had gone on! I keep looking for any daleel or fatwas given about this, and all i can find is of course that abortion is haraam, and fatwas saying that ITS HARAAM! But of course fatwas off the internet can't be 100% trusted all the time, so I'm going back to you sisters who I love! If you have a father, or husband, or mother or anyone who is very knowledgeable pleaseee let me know on this. If it really is halal, I will accept it. But at the moment I just can NOT as it seems way to inhumane to kill a baby who is sinless from a mother who has committed no sin (concerning the rape).

I had to log off the website soon after because the woman's mocking tone, attitude, and insults to other women were just too much.

You can learn a lot looking at a facebook page.

2010-06-17T18:20:00.000-07:00

So I was on facebook ~~stalking~~ looking up some people who I knew from kindergarten until sixth grade (so 5 years old until twelve years old) and I saw sooo many people I knew. Mashallah, they were all grown up. Kids who used to be made fun of were now suddenly mashallah, HOT, and the ones who I remember were always thought of as beautiful or whatever just...looked the same. Never grew up, frozen in time.

They all looked like they were having the TIMES of their life. Which, is how everyone tries to make it look on facebook. That is part of the reason I HATE having a facebook lol. Everyone is so fake. But anyway, they were all together and having the time of their life and had pictures of them going to football games and prom and other dances.

And I can't lie, it kind of sucked looking at it. Like, wow. I totally missed watching these people grow up from moving. I missed all the events, and drama, and everything.

When those thoughts started entering my dear little head I my eyes fell across something one of my long lost best friends wrote on her facebook page. Saying how she wants to change the world.

We all want to change the world. But in order to do that, you actually have to have a clear understanding of this world.

And, alhamdullilah, I have some knowledge of this world be it from having friends going through traumatic experiences, or myself. Because honestly, there is a LOT I have gone through that isn't even up on this blog.

These kids? They only know what goes on within their own town. They only know kids of one religious faith. They only know kids of one race. That right there folks, is sad.

Since I moved away from that small town I use to live in, I have been BLESSED to meet people from all over the world, allowing myself to explore cultures I would have never guessed possible. More importantly, I was blessed to become a Muslim at such a young age, which really helped me learn a lot about life.

If I lived in that small town still, I would know only Christians, only white folk, would never have been introduced to Arabs, Indian, Pakistanis, Chinese and Japanese, or the proud beautiful people who are of Hispanic decent. I would never have been able to have people rip me apart with their words and make me strong, have met such good friends, have been able to enjoy the growing of my brother and sister rather than students I really never cared much for. I would never have been able to go to a masjid and pray, or laugh when I got a proposal from men, or eat AWESOME food. I have gone through trials that made me so depressed at too young of an age, and all along Allah swt had a big plan for me : to get to know myself, to know my religion, and to meet the man of my dreams and start my own family one day inshallah.

So instead of wishing I had grown up with those friends I faintly remembered, I pray that one day they will be as blessed as I have been, as blessed as many of us Muslims have been.

And then, I exited out of the page to a world I left, and back into the world I have been blessed to live in.

What backbiting is really doing : The truth we know but may forget

2010-06-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

The Holy Qur'an says:
O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: And spy not on each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it...But fear Allah: For Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful. (49: 12)

This was the keychain that came with our Lawn Mower.

2010-06-15T20:20:00.001-07:00

You'd think some things are just common sense.

M.A.S.H.

2010-06-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

Husband's little cousin said it was time to play MASH.

"Ok, now pick four women, but they can't be your wife, that you want to marry."

I smiled like I didn't care.

Husband smiled back.

He scribbled some names on the paper and of course I had to look.

They were:
1) My muslim name
2) My legal name
3) My middle name
4) My nickname which only my husband calls me.

My name was the first to go, "Sorry A.M., you and your husband are going to get a divorce."

He ended up picking my middle name.

"See A.M., this is who he is going to marry."

Husband and I smiled at each other.

"See, I have your back." He told me. <3

Phone calls

2010-06-04T11:43:00.001-07:00

I've had some crazy calls come in since working at my new job.

For example:

1) Pillow guy: This is how we refer to him. He is a repeat caller, or should I say repeat offender, as he likes to call in and tell women how he is humping his pillow. He was about my second call ever. There is another guy, Good News Guy (Would you like to hear some good news?) but I have not had the pleasure of speaking with him, thank god. We always laugh at their new victims, poor things.

2) White Clothes Guy: I had a man call in and after helping him out with some bills, he asked me what time I get off work and he'd be there waiting for me in all white.

3) Face Book Guy: He told me he had just been released from prison (yee, I just got out of prison, I'ze been incarcerated, see). In the middle of the call, he asks me if I had a facebook and when he heard my strained umm yeahh he told me to chill, he wasn't hitting on me. His girl has a facebook and put her status on single, and when he changed his status from in-a-relationship to single, she got mad. He wanted to know who was right. I told him my honest opinion. She shouldn't be mad, and they should both put their status on in a relationship.

4) "Muslim" Guy: His name was a very, very obvious muslim name. I've been waiting for a muslim to call in so I can say salaamu Alaikum to them. This guy was a HUGE ass hole and before I could say salaamz to him (hoping he realized what he had done) he hung up. Oh well.

5) I don't have a name for this one. She was an older woman from trinidad or Jamaica, not sure. Her sister had fallen down the stairs and some girl had found her with blood pooling about. Her sister was in the hospital. Now, this lady told me this story every single time I asked her a new question, which was hard to get the job done, but I told her just to keep praying and keep faith in God. She started crying, too. I wish you all could have heard it because even though it was a sad situation this woman was unbelievably adorrrable and when i was asking for information she looked at the bill and said "yes, I see da bill heeruh and I dnt know if it be right but I tink so and oh look at dat she be drawin' a cat or bird or sumtin wit leetle flowers all 'bout".

6) Made Me Blush Guy: This man was MUCH too kind. As soon as I started talking to him he was saying how sweet I am and what a great personality I have and how he wishes he'll have a girl like me one day, and my boyfriend or husband is lucky to have me. I said my husband knows how good he has it (winkwink) and I try to treat people nicely because there is no reason to be mean. We talked about God and marriage. He said he keeps faith in god, and then brought up how his girlfriend gets jealous when he looks at women. I told him I would too, if it had been my husband, and I don't look at men. He was surprised at that, and said its natural to be attracted to men as long as you don't do anything. I told him ok, the first look you can't help, but after that you need to look away, that is what I do. (ha, preaching him Islam and he doesn't even realize it! But he agreed!!) He was amazed and said he hopes he'll find a girl who will do that for him. I said look for a modest girl and he will, and treat her the same way too. Then of course I had to let him know I'm blessed to have my husband, he treats me real fine. He agreed, my husband is good, we are blessed. alhamdullilah!! After talking for an hour about bills, god, and marriage he asked to be transferred so he could talk some more about me and I had two supervisors come to me and congratulate me for getting kudos.

Pretty awesome, right??

The job isn't all great though, because I do get customers who are rude for no reason, like the muslim guy (what a pity!!!). Especially when the customer yells at ME. Most of the time they think I asked them a question i did NOT ask them and I really have to bite my tongue. I've caught myself starting to YELL the REAL question I asked the first time, and I quickly have to pull back. If it wasn't work, I don't know how nice I'd be.

But at times like those I think, Okay, this is what Allah swt gave me, it was a huggeee blessing and until he blesses me with something else (as in work or whatever) I'm going to accept it, inshalalh.

Money, Money, Money

2010-05-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

I love my job, and I love the pay. As my husband would put it, I'M BANKIN! Ha ha, no not really but alhamdullilah I am making a modest means and it is really helping us out. We have been looking for apartments or a house if we can afford it which we might...we came across some wonderful condos that were a ten seconds away from the masjid walking, but so far that has not worked out and it turns out this is a bit harder than I thought it was going to be. Especially because all the realtors charge a fee for a credit and background check (as they don't want child molestors, they told us. Makes me feel better because that means none of the others are too, inshallah). It adds up...forty dollars here, seventy there, and I'm trying to save money not spend it all.

At first we were keeping it to ourselves, that we are moving. Kind of like a secret until we were ready to tell. But SOMEONE (aka the husband) left some papers at work conveniently in his dad's office. So who is the one bombarded with questions? ME! It was awkward too because the MIL was asking me questions, in a nice way of course, but I could feel those eyes boring into me screaming YOUR TAKING MY SON AWAY FROM ME!

Which I guess in a sense I am...but trust me its time to move because:
A) His little brother is only getting older
B) There are a lot of times when no one tells me when non-mahram are at the house and I walk out and HELLO!
C)I like opening MY mail and not receiving it after it has been opened, read, and discarded.
D)FIL's brother will be coming to live here inshallah soon.
E) If the family knows when things are going on in the bedroom and coin-phrase it as 'THE RED LIGHT IS ON" you KNOW its time to get the heck out of dodge.

THIS IS A RANT!

2010-04-22T16:34:00.000-07:00

For so long I have been getting messages, friend requests etc from MEN who are not my MAHRAM! For those of you who do not know what a mahram is, please click HERE.

I DO NOT REPLY OR ACCEPT FRIEND REQUESTS FROM MEN! I AM MARRIED, AND WILL NOT TALK TO ANY MAN EVEN IF HE DOES JUST WANT TO BE 'FRIENDS'.

Generally, I would say this in a nice way. BUT AFTER REJECTING THE SAME PEOPLE AGAIN AND AGAIN WHO SAY THEY ARE MUSLIM AND SHOULD KNOW BETTER I AM VERY FRUSTRATED!

Look, its nothing personal. Its just I AM MUSLIM. I am a MUSLIM WOMAN! I try to keep away from the haram, and since this is haram I DO NOT DO IT!

So men, Please. LEAVE ME ALONE!




p.s. The men who are trying to add me are muslim like I said, and KNOW that its wrong, and ALREADY KNOW that I do not talk to non-mahram, and have also been told multiple times that I will never talk to them!

I'm moving. Kinda. Maybe.

2010-04-20T18:12:00.001-07:00

I might move.
I might move out of the country.To my husband's home country, Jordan.
And I am soooooooo excited!

This is how it all went down. Basically my husband was at work where a co-worker had just come back from his 'motherland' (Mexico) and everyone began talking about how 'back home' (where ever that may be) is so beautiful, and just so different from here. Not only the land but also how in other countries things are so different pertaining to morals, religion and family.
He started thinking about all of this and how much he would really enjoy moving back 'home'. Thinking about it myself, I believe I would really enjoy. Especially because our intentions are not just to move there to make our life better, which inshallah it will, but we also plan to help those in need.

Inshallah, we will start a few businesses there and when we start making some money off of them we are going to help feed and cloth the poor. Its going to be a lot of work, but I have complete faith in Allah swt and inshallah he will help us. We want to do it while we are young and strong inshallah.

Plus man...I want to go to a place where I can find more muslims and be able to learn about Islam in an easier way. I just want to go somewhere where I can...blossom to my full potential lol.

We want to do this the right way, and we are going to start saving up. First we want to go there to visit, because I might not even like it there and we don't want to just move without knowing for sure if Jordan fits me. We also want to possibly make some investments inshallah while we visit there. Then again its save save save until we can move to Jordan, should we choose to.

I'm ready to move. Growing up, life has always thrown something new my way every year that always seems to rearrange all the elements in my life. I changed schools every year until I graduated a year early, also moving almost every year or every two years. I'm happy where ever Allah swt allows me to be, and especially as long as I am with my husband...but I can't lie, I am getting antsy and its time to start moving again.

In all actuality, it could be years before we move, and one simple little thing could change all of our plans. I don't know what that simple little thing would be, but that's the point. Things change all the time, without warning.

It is staring at me as I write this....

2010-04-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

Over in Egypt lives my MIL's brother. His wife and three sons live down the street from me, along with my MIL's mother (his mother). At the moment he is there to try and invest and make a living for his family. One of his colleagues has a wife who is 35 and pregnant with her first child, alhamdullilah.

I'm not sure who came up with the idea, but she wanted to give birth to her son here is the U.S. She is staying with the wife of my MILs brother and the three sons and grandmother. In another three months she is due to give birth, inshallah, and I'm sure there will be a post about that.
She brought along a gift for me, which was really sweet since she is the guest and none of us have even met her before. Maybe it was her way of breaking the ice with us, I'm not sure. The gift is a black crochet niqab with a bunch of silver coins on it.

Maybe not your thing, maybe it is, but I LOVE it! Mashallah it was a really great gift, since I love all things with fabric and shiny pretty things. Plus it reminds me of belly dancing. I wonder if this is Egyptian style or a universal niqab style?

I have a bunch of scarves alhamdullilah and they end up everywhere, so while putting them away the flashy coins caught my attention again. Look closely at one of them, and maybe you'll see what I was looking at. Closeup of the niqab. Do you see what I see?

They are eyes. More importantly the eye is an 'Egyptian' eye that protects against the evil eye. Compare the following to the niqab again.

Of course no object can save you or protect you from the evil eye except Allah swt. One dua you can read goes as:

“A’oodhu bi kalimaat Allaah al-taammaati min sharri maa khalaq (I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allaah from the evil of that which He has created).”

(Narrated by Muslim, al-Dhikr wa’l-Du’aa, 4881) .

So in the end I'm just going to have to cut the coins off, or throw it away if that doesn't work out. Or should I go back to her and be like Um, can you buy me something else? ....haa just kidding.

I have no other words for this, only tears.

2010-04-14T14:26:00.000-07:00

I am watching DR. PHIL right now, which I never do. Flipping through the channels, it caught me attention. This particular show is about a young woman who had an ADORABLE baby boy. The mother had left her boyfriend after he had kicked her, hit her, and made her feel like his personal punching bag. (She was even beat when she was pregnant...astaghfirallah!) When she left him, they began to fight over the custody of their son. The mother had also found a new spouse, and the father of her son hacked into many of her personal accounts such as her phone account to find out who she was texting. This lead the mother to get a restraining order, which was DENIED. The father had even threatened his baby boy and the mother with MURDER. The police issued an emergency restraining order that would only last a week, after which she would have to go to court and prove he was a threat, and hopefully get a permanent restraining order. Again and again the judge denied the mother a restraining order, and right out called her a liar.

Her son is now dead, along with the father who killed himself and his baby boy.

Dr. Phil rattled off a long list of babies who had been killed within something like two weeks after the first baby had died, and all by their fathers because of custody battles. If you go to drphil.com you can see the video on the first page that pops up of this woman, though it won't last there for long. Or go HERE.

How sad is this? How disgusting? How utterly devastating and CRAZY?!

Lately this is all I see...rape, murder...

Its getting to my husband, too. I had told him a few stories about rape, and we saw the movie Precious together, which is about a girl who was raped. Horrible, horrible stuff. But for me...it wasn't new. I read a lot of books, and rape or molestation is talked about a lot. Plus, being a girl, I've had family members and girl friends talk to me about rape. Whether it was someone getting something off of their chest, or my mother telling me the dangers because I'm a woman...Its not as shocking as it is to my husband since he has never been told stories about murder and rape.

I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say....I'm just putting this all out there. Just be careful. Be AWARE. Trust your gut instincts- if you feel, even if you don't know exactly WHY you feel a certain way, but if you feel you or someone else is ANY kind of danger, GET HELP. Get away, and get help, any way you can!

Sadly, like the mother in the beginning I was speaking about, she was not able to get help. So above anyone, we need to pray to Allah swt for help. He is not a system that fails his people, he is always there, always strong and pure, and will NEVER leave us.

May Allah swt protect us all from rape, murder, and any other kind of harm. May He protect the young, the old, the feeble and the strong. And may He punish those who cause pain if He so deems fit.

Ameen.

Hired!!

2010-04-02T12:46:00.000-07:00

I finally have a job. I've been trying to get one for probably the last four or five months and ALHAMDULLLILAH I have been hired!!

I'm happy for more than one reason. First off, I'm glad because hello now I have money, ha ha. I don't ask people for things unless I really need it, but I still WANT things.

Another reason is because my husband is the one taking care of things, and in this economy money is tight. Even if we do live with the in-laws! Alhamdullilah my husband has been blessed with very helpful understanding parents. Seriously they help us out SO MUCH! We are paying off some debts (again, alhamdullilah, they are not large ones because we both DETEST debt. My mother instilled how important it is to stay away from debt if possible....). By debts I mean paying off the rest of the business, which we are almost done with. But now since I'm going to be working Inshallah (full time!!) we can get it all payed off in a month inshallah then start saving so we can get out of this house!! LOL. And into our own inshallah!

I kind of felt useless since he works, and I don't do anything! I mean sure, I'll clean the house and do anything else that needs to be done, but the only thing I do is pretty much focus on keeping us both happy. So since I'm really not helping out I just felt like a burden almost. He definitely doesn't feel that way, I told him how I felt once and he was just like Uh no you are crazy you are worth soo much...lol.

Plus, you want to know the coolest part of all this?? ITS AN AT HOME JOB! THROUGH THE INTERNET! So because of this I ordered phone service and internet service. (We had at&t, but my MIL was trying to save money by getting tv and internet through a dude we know...I told her don't it! He's shady, and nothing he ever does works how it is suppose. It has not worked right since the day we got it. Which is why I need AT&T.) The reason I'm even telling you I did this is because this is the first thing that is ever going to be in MY name. I have NO credit and I really need to start building it.

For phone and internet (unlimited everything for both) it is going to be about one hundred dollars every month. Dude that is so much (for me lol). But really I guess its not because compared to how much you spend on gas (petroleum) going to and from work I'm spending LESS.

I'm not going to say what company i'm working for so they don't end up finding this blog!! Not sure if that would ever happen, but I like my privacy. Plus they are a very big company (cell phone company) so yeah.

I kind of have this independent thrill from opening a [new] bank account, having things in my name...Sure I've had bank accounts before but this time I am 18 and do not need anyone to co-sign or need permission from anyone.

Just make dua for me that this all continues to work out inshallah!!
And if any of you would like to know who hired me, I'll let you know through a personal comment. You have to be at least eighteen though.

My anniversary. My FIRST anniversary.

2010-03-29T17:31:00.001-07:00

This past March 27, 2010 made it my ONE YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

I know, I know. Pretty cool, huh? Alhamdullilah.

We went to the beach. Well, we were planning to but we couldn't find a secluded enough place
for me to swim in.
Instead we drove around for hours (um 4). What I was really looking at were the houses.

They were huge. HUGE. Mansions in the realest sense. As big or bigger than castles. There were no dead palm trees, but huge beautiful trees that had to have been shipped and planted. The hedges were as tall as the kind in mazes, and everything was a lustrous green color.

One house had a door that looked like it belonged to some kind of mid-evil castle. Another had a stand alone... Well I'm not sure what it was. Imagine One wall, made out of beautiful mosaic tiles, and shaped like the entrance to the Taj Mahal. (Look here for an idea). It was just utterly unbelievable! (For real, how do people have this much money? But alhamdullilah.) At every entrance there was: one gate, one voice box with a bunch of buttons with numbers, and a large round mirror that had a camera behind it.
It was really strange to see thirty or so mirrors out in a very green planty area.
Here is a house from around the area (found online).

We weren't really able to go out like we wanted (to celebrate our anniversary), since he did have to work from like five until one in the morning, but we made it up the next day when we went back to the beach (there was a little trespassing involved...I adore the rich private beach).

We saw jelly fish everywhere, and I wish I had taken pictures! These things were crazy! They were half blue and half COMPLETELY CLEAR! The blue was so brilliant, and the clearness looked so real it looked fake. Thin threads (tenticles) were either tangles or spread out over the sand. Little baby jelly fish no bigger than my big toe were everywhere too. When I was younger I had picked up small, white jelly fish, so these were pretty amazing to me.

"You see those? Those will sting you. Stay away." No warnings saved me. The top of one foot and the bottom of another were both burning and stinging by the time we were done walking along the mouth of the water. I'm assuming I stepped on some tentacles.

I found a picture for you all.
In person it looks so much more awesome.

The trip

2010-03-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

Before I even left to go on my trip, I was dreading to leave. I knew how much I'd miss my husband. But since I had not seen my family in so long there was no way I would miss this opportunity to meet up with them again.

I like to arrive at the airport two hours early, but since my husband is the one driving we ended up there one hour before departure time. When it took us an hour to get through the long line my husband turned to me and admitted maybe we should have left the house sooner.

After I checked in and went to where the security was at, we hugged goodbye. (I'd have preferred a kiss, but its awkward when everyone in the airport is staring at you including the security people).

The bins were a problem for me. I had to take my lap top out of the bag it was in. So the lap top went in a bin, and the bag went in a bin. Then I have to put my shoes in a bin with all my metal. I had a purse that went in its own bin, and I had a small red luggage bag. Behind me everyone helped push my four bins and luggage forward.
I went through the metal detector and was immediately searched by a woman waiting for me. We both acted civil, me of course wondering if I was being checked because I'm muslim or because my clothes were baggy. When I was done, she motioned for a woman with a hoodie on to come forward and be searched. (So I opted she was following regulations, nice lady :D ).

On the plane I had a whole row to myself. I fell asleep for a while, waking up right before we were suppose to land. Only we didn't land. We flew around in circles for an hour before they announced we couldn't land, the fog was too much and we were being diverted to Chicago.

I was in Chicago for another eleven hours, surviving on only two hours of sleep. (Turns out my entire flight was filled with students, teachers, and parent-helpers. It was good because they actually helped me out since I look so young and blended in, they would have noticed if I was being messed with since they would think I was one of the students under their charge. At the same time I ditched the group to go be by myself).

Finally at 8:00 the next morning we flew twenty minutes to the airport I was suppose to be at in the first place.
When I was coming around the corner I started getting choked up. As soon as my little brother and sister saw me they ran and hugged me, along with my mother and of course she had to hold me in front of another security personal as I hugged them and started bawling.

The trip was great. We didn't go out much, mostly just spent time with the family. We had so much to talk about, so much to catch up on. We went into the basement, built a fire, and made smores. (Our S'mores were made out of marshmallow 'spread' because its halal.) We roasted halal hotdogs, too. Another time we went to a kids meusam, where they had mock deli's, banks, post offices, and even a car repair shop. (Which I loved since they had real company tools that my husband uses.)We also went to lake Michigan.
You can kind of see the lake and bridge behind me.
But okay, I'm a wimp and I was missing my husband so much that we went from me being on a four week trip to a two week trip.
Which is why I'm already back home.

Coming back was great too though. My husband surprised me by picking me up (he said he had to work and so another family member would). When I got home I opened up my door to see a bed with white sheets, red pillows, and TWO DOZEN RED ROSES!! It was SO ROMANTIC AND BEAUTIFUL!! Mashallah (everyone say mashallah. No evil eye, Authu Billah) I was totally impressed. The husband is holding a bouquet of roses, too.

A Meeting With The Grandmothers

2010-03-09T20:14:00.001-08:00

I was kind of nervous to see my grandmother and her sister, just because I haven't seen them in a while and they never see me with scarf on. I just didn't want to have anything small like wearing scarf ruin the day, but alhamdullilah it didn't.

They are both in their seventies but really mobile. They drove five hours to come see us, and they used a GPS the whole time too, which I thought was pretty cool. Eventually the GPS stopped working, but they ended up only being like two streets away from my house so I drove and they followed me back to the house.

When we got to the house I hugged them both and then introduced them to my MIL, who hugged the two of them. I checked to see if they felt awkward, but if they had they didn't show it. In our family we just don't hug people we meet for the first time. Its a cultural difference I suppose.

Both of these women are about five foot (they got shorter in old age, probably by two or three inches), in good shape and wear high heels. They have dyed blond curls and piercing blue eyes, and they talk in this Kentucky drawl that really is fun to listen to.

From there we just talked about a bunch of things. We talked about my brothers, and their extended family, about how they grew up on a farm. We talked especially about how they had both been married at a young age (16,17 years old) and how the both of them had to choose from two men each!

"I guess that's a sign you shouldn't get married, when you can't even decide WHO to marry!" They thought this was pretty funny and we all laughed.

I showed them the pictures from my henna party and wedding. They both loved it, but my grandmother did more so and looked at the pictures a second time. She even asked for a picture and I gave her one.

"Your father would have loved to see these pictures, you are just so beautiful!" I was glad she told me this, I want my father to admit to liking the fact I got married or regret the fact that he refused to come to my wedding. (My husband spontaneously called him and ever since then my dad's been really curious about my family and is actually asking about them now. I think we are getting somewhere with him.)

My husband had been at work but showed up about an hour after they had arrived and I was surprised to see that he was quiet. Since I moved to his state we are always around his family and his friends so he is always so talkative while I'm the one who shies away. But this time it was different and he smiled a lot and talked mostly about the weather lol but it was really cute to see him this way.

When it was time to eat we all sat at this long wooden table with sets of plates that have fake sea shells on them.

"Oh ah just LOVE these plates, honey!" Both of them took a bit of everything. We had some beef on bones, hummus with olive oil, diwali (rice and beef and other stuff all stuffed and rolled inside grape leaves), something just like it except cabbage leaves, and rice. Oh, and salad. They both ate everything on their plate which even my husband noticed.

"Oh mah gawd, this food is jus' so good!"
"This meat is jus' so tender!"
"You are a great cook [to my MIL]"
"Yes you are, really and truly!" I love that they say 'really and truly' to show their great sincerity about things.

My grandma told us the food was so good she wished her mouth was bigger so she could eat more. We laughed, and then laughed more when her sister ratted her out and told us she had read that saying somewhere.

Back outside my husband and I helped figure out how to reprogram the GPS so it would show them the way to my great aunt (aka grandma's sister) grandson's house.

Then we ate some fruit and cookies, showed my grandma my room where, and because we were alone, divulged the information that she thinks my husband is "just gorgeous honey, he is just so handsome!" Which got me jumping up and down going "I know I know isn't he!!??"

After that, they left. It was a short visit, but one of the best parts was the present my grandmother gave me. Well, really it was from my father.

A long time ago, when my mom and dad were married he had bought her some jewelry. When they divorced she sold it back to him and used the money to pay the divorce lawyer. I always asked my dad for the wedding ring, I don't know why but I really always felt entitled to it. He never gave it to me and if I remember correctly told me that he sold it. But! Something he never told me was that he had also bought her a real pearl necklace (it was an "i'm sorry" gift) and gave it to my grandmother to give to me when I was older.

It came in a velvet black box that came in a velvet black bag with draw-strings. Its a simple pearl necklace, with a golden clasp. I don't remember anything but the clasp, I'm sure from trying to open and close it many of times while trying to sit patiently at church (or the 'kingdom hall').

Anyway, I just think it is the sweetest thing ever. Even though my dad and I have gone through some rough patches, our relationship is pretty good, even if it is strained at times. But still, though he's bought me stuff like clothes, Ipod etc., I feel like this is the first thing he's done that has real sentimental value and well...like I said I just love it!! (My grandma admitted that there are earrings that came with it, and over the years she wore them. Eventually one broke, so when it is fixed I'm getting those too inshallah).

My mother, little brother and sis are already here in America and I leave tomorrow to see them. I'm all packed but honestly I'm dreading leaving, though I'm so excited! Inshallah everything goes well, including the plane ride. Ameen!

So for now I'm going to be really busy, but I'll try and update. When my family gets together something always happens. Inshallah this will be a great visit though!!

Two long years

2010-03-05T11:28:00.001-08:00

It has been two years TWO YEARS since I last saw my mother, little brother and sister. I miss them sooooooo much and finally I get news that they are going to be here in the U.S. TOMORROW!!! I cannot believe it; it happened so fast. It went from me asking my mom (echm *begging*) to come every single day and not knowing when she would come, to her being like, "Hey, Inshallah I'll be there in two days." WHAT?

So I am going to be flying back to the coup where my whole family is. I will be there for a month, alhamdullilah inshallah.

Only problem isssss.................
The LOVE OF MY LIFE IS NOT COMING!!! How could he not come? How? HOW? Well, because he works and I know everyone understands and I understand...but I have not been away from him at all since the night we got married. I've been moping around and acting too theatrical about the whole thing, but it really really is killing me!! Of course he loves the fact that I'm clinging on to him and being all, "I love youuuuuuu, how can i live without youuuu, you mean so muchhh to meeeeee". (Something like that).

I'm so happy to be able to see my mother inshallah, but being away for thirty days from the husband is dragging me down man. He will however be coming up inshallah near the end of the month for a few days. My mother and siblings have not even met my husband (though they love him. My mom adoresssss him.) so it will be interesting to see how it all turns out.

My grandmother (father's mother) has come to see me here (where I am right now) and I will inshallah see her on monday!! I have not seen her in two years either so it seems i'll be getting to see most of my family within a really short time.

My trip to the hospital

2010-02-26T12:56:00.000-08:00

I always prided myself on never in my life breaking a bone, needing stitches, and my biggest one never going to the hospital. Of course this 'pride' was combined with the larger bit of me being SO THANKFUL TO GOD!

It started about two weeks ago. I was chewing on some pizza, and i'm assuming I didn't chew the crust up enough because it stabbed me very badly on my tonsil. After that the pain would switch between tonsils, so I believe it just to be a random sore throat. The temperature became colder here now, so I figured maybe that was what was wrong.

Then about five days ago my tonsils became very swollen, and when I looked in the mirror they were covered in white stuff. When I was younger it was court-ordered for my my tonsils, adenoids, and tubes put in my ears. It never happened. I would get strep throat plenty of times a year, but eventually it stopped, and I would only get the once a year normal cold. (Verses the seven times a year strep throat). The only thing that has always happened is I get things (food, sorry to much info) stuck in the pits, or 'crypts' in my throat. That is what I am talking about when i say white stuff stuck in my throat. Only this time MY ENTIRE THROAT was covered in it, instead of just one pit.

I went to the doctors, he looked at it, and then gave me a prescription for antibiotics. After another two days, with the pain only getting worse (the white stuff turning from white to gray), my glands started swelling. ALL of them. All the way from my neck to behind my ears. When I let my mother in law get close enough to check it out, she just about burst into tears god bless her and she said "We need to go to the hospital now". I was in so much pain and frustration I really wanted to cry too. (But I didn't haha).

My husband, mother in law, and myself went to the hospital. I was in in about ten minutes Alhamdullilah and they took a throat swab.

"Whats wrong?" I was asked.
"My throat hurts so bad. My glands are swollen.
I have not eaten in four days, and during the night
I wake up every thirty minutes. I can't breath right.
My ears hurt."
"Have you been taking medicine?"
"Yes."
"So your doctor gave you a throat swab?"
"No. He just looked and said I have strep."
"He didn't even test you?"
"uh. No."
"Is that your normal voice?"
"No. My throat is so swollen I just sound like this." I sound like I have peanut butter stuck in the back of my throat, like i'm holding my nose, and like I I'm gargling water.

When the nurses saw my throat they shrieked, "OH MY GOD GIRL ITS HORRIBLE!" You think? Then they let me drink a thick syrupy clear liquid that helped my whole throat go numb. It was such a relief.

Then another lady came in and put a tube up my arm, and since I usually have a panic attack during these types of thing, I closed my eyes and whispered in my mind bismillahbismillahbismallahOhallahohallahbismillah!

When she was done the nurse said, "Yes! I got it the first time!" and another lady cheered her on saying ohhh its because you are talented!
"No, I ALWAYS make a mess. I ALWAYS make blood spill." Which totally doesn't help thing on my anxiety end, and especially for my husband who hates hospitals and doctors. I don't know, its his thing. Sorry for all you nurses and doctors out there, he's heard a lot of bad stories. (Like how a local city hospital gave most of their patients aids by reusing needles). I'm against hospitals onlyyy during child birth because our bodies were MADE to handle it, and they have a higher percentage of c-sections, and infant mortality rate. (But of course if you are high risk I'm ALL for it!! sorry, i'm rambling.)

After i got the medicine running in my veins I was flying high man!! I kept smiling at everyone and TOTALLY hitting on my husband, making that man blush (but he gave me the eyes *winkwink*) and then randomly saying how much I love my mother for thirty minutes straight, and telling my husband to scoot closer I was well enough to give me a back rub.
"Ohhhh isn't he so handsommmeee mother in law? Look at his hair he's growing it out its starting to curlllll ohhhh such a handsome sonnnn you haveeeee."

They gave me orange Gatorade, which was the best since it was the first drink in a long time. Didn't hurt either, ALHAMDULLILAH!

Before they discharged me I was told that I have severe Mono and Severe Tonsillitis. I have two drugs to take now, penicillin and steroids. (Warned my husband I might wake up the next morning ripped and ready to beat him up haha). (The steroids are to make my glands stop swelling).

Finally I was told to sign my own discharge papers (One of the best moments. Freedom, responsibility!)

I'm not as numbed up as yesterday, but alhamdullilah I can eat and drink and I'm not in unbearable pain anymore. I can tell I'm a lot better since I woke up my husband by biting his toe really hard and then randomly hitting him a couple of times, and finally we did a random dance-off.

Note: I think I might have still been high from the drugs.

Dear Hitler. Kiss my ALL HUMAN loving butt.

2010-02-16T16:11:00.001-08:00

After two weeks of agonizing, I finally used my cell phone to call my brother. And in case you have forgotten, I'm talking about my Neo-Nazi brother. He sounds weird. He always sounds weird. You know how when you talk, your voice can take higher notes when you are happy, deeper tones when you are upset? Both when you make jokes (depending on the kind)? Well his voice is just the same. Just his deep-I'm-bored-I'm-better-I'm-too-good-for-this-convo voice. No matter WHAT he is saying. Even if he is telling me he's gonna hurt someone, or whether he is saying he is looking at the road below his two story house (yeah right dude, you just told me how you had an apartment).
First when I called him yesterday, he was on his lunch break. He told me the basics, like how he is living alone in his own apartment, my oldest brother no longer living with him. Really weird too, since they have been living/surviving together since my oldest bro turned 18. I guess the Neo-Nazi got tired of taking care of his own big brother. Allahu Alim. I had after only ten or fifteen minutes talking (I could barely understand him and his voice anyway).

I figured, huh, our conversation hadn't gone too bad. He didn't say anything about killin dem Ni**rs (Sorry :( .....) or about my husband.

So when I called him today, I had higher hopes. But I knew it wouldn't last long. He was in front of his "girl" (who I swear sounded like a man for one second earlier...but maybe he just had a friend over too) and I guess that's why he decided to show off, saying how he's going to go beat up some people and then work and then go party. Who TALKS like that? Then when he was saying how much he works I was like woww, [name of husband] works a lot too. Which is when he says, who is that?

"Who is [name]?" I ask him, in a are-you-serious kind of way.

"Yeah."

"He is my husband." (I said it totally giggly and I didn't realize it until my husband started mimicking me lol) Then he goes on to tell me to never say his name when we are on the phone together. He goes on to say how he isn't the childish boy I use to know (meaning he's a hard core killer blah blah) and I'm just like wtf, first of all I never thought of him as a childish boy, and why would I now?

Let me tell you a little something about my brother. He is the kid who use to ask me to secretly poo in water bottles (never found out why, never wanted to know why, told me never to ask why, and NEVER did I do it). he use to tell me horror stories about a guy he would only call "HIM" so that I could never call the cops on this dude. He told me stories about Hell's Angels, dirty cops, girls he pimped out....
He seriously sickens me. To my very core. I sometimes seriously hate him. But he is my BROTHER and while I only talk to him a couple of times a year, I only call to find out how he is, if he's alive.

I honestly wish he had never been my brother. I wish I had never known him, never had to live with him. He is a very abusive man. My mother has called the police on him plenty, plenty of times (resulting in my brother hating her.)

But at the same time, I'm starting to realize so many things about this kid. Like for example, the very second he started talking to my husband on the phone (when we were going to get married) he immediately started asking what kind of guns my hubby has, if he smokes... I guess all the things he thinks is 'hard-core' stuff. To me, it was frightening. All my life my brother has told me he'd kill my husband if he wasn't white.
My husband though, was not frightened at all. He pointed out that the fact he brought up guns so quickly is proof he's insecure and just trying to be frightening. (Huh. Never thought of it that way.)
Or, a few months ago when I talked to him he told me how he is wearing thousands of dollars worth of clothes (and him being the drug dealer I believed it) but he was saying he had so much money in charges from being in jail.

My husband just pointed out, "You're brother is wearing thousands of dollars of clothes, but he can't pay his jail bills?" Man, why can't I ever put two and two together? He is such a liar.

My brother has told me so many times he'd kill me, my husband (whoever that would be at the time), my children, my mother... and somehow I still manage to call that stupid idiot and try and find out how he is doing.

So you'd think that that he'd be a little more kinder, or sensitive. I know, telling me not to say my husband's name to him might not sound so harsh. But it is. I literally cannot tell him anything about my life because it will always revolve around my husband or my children or Islam or sOMETHING, you know? We can't joke together...so our conversations S.U.C.K.

My dad just tells me its ME. That my brother has been jealous of me the day i was born, and he always has to feel better than me, try to look better than me (in a 'cooler' sense, not literal looks), and always try to put me down.

I'm not saying I'm better than him, but of course my self defense comes in and I'm thinking You know what fool? I'm the one married to a good man, not going out with some slut who will give you herpes. I don't need drugs to make me happy. I love Islam, I love Allah swt, And I generally have a sense of peace. Because I don't care what ANYONE says, being filled with hate IS NOT FUN AND NOT GREAT. I graduated high school dude, I still have my own family talking to me and respecting me.

I keep saying if it wasn't haram I would never talk to him again. And actually, I think Islamically I don't have to talk to him since he is a threat to my safety and family's. But like I said, I still want to know how he is.

My oldest brother won't even talk to me, and we were the ones who were cool with each other. Whats up with that?

Anyway, after saying to never say my husband's name he mentioned how in the beginning he was considering coming to see my husband (i.e. kill him)...so I guess he means now he isn't thinking of that but to 'be careful'. I've seen my brother beat up men who are much taller than him and bigger than him (and I'm talking about these guys were on the ground bleeding with broken bones) but once I saw him fight a professional boxer (actually, I am not sure he had gone pro) but he sucked. And you know what? I LOVE IT! I love it because I know my husband could kick his white Hitler kissing butt.

Sicky

2010-02-09T12:41:00.001-08:00

My husband is sick. He has been throwing up and using the restroom since about five o clock in the morning. He even has a slight fever. We think it might be food poisoning. He has this thing where if he eats eggs and milk together (ok not MIXED but you get what I mean) he becomes really sick. Well, so he says. But seeing how sick he is makes me think he might be a little bit right. Like if I eat pancakes and orange juice or lemonade I almost always throw up. Whats up with that?

Anyway, I'm just spending my day taking care of him and trying to feed him soup and Gatorade so he can rehydrate, inshallah. Never realized how much I care when someone gets sick. If any of you are ill, just call me up because I'll totally pamper you. Unless you don't like chicken noodle soup. That is the only thing I know how to make.

Chicken Noodle Soup. Chicken Noodle Soup. Chicken Noodle Soup with a Soda on the Side.
(Its a song.)

Dilemma of the day

2010-02-04T19:12:00.001-08:00

My mother in law came to me, asking me if I could download a bunch of music videos so she can play it on the TV at work. This way customers won't just stare at her and the other workers, they'll instead focus on the videos.

Right away I said yes. Man, why don't I think before I speak? So now I'm like umm...what music video out there does not have a broad dressed up like a hooker, shakin her thing like she is having a seizure?

I'm sorry MIL, but my husband works there at night, and while I trust my husband I'd rather not voluntarily put Shakira and Beyonce right in front of him. (They are SUCH good dancers though, Mashallah!)

So I've put it off three days, and she keeps asking me for it. I'm not the kind of person who is afraid to say no but...we are in a sticky situation. I LIVE with her. And I'm serious when I say that she will be offended if I tell her no. Her kids won't do it, so she is depending on me in a way. I keep trying to do it- to download the videos and such- but I'm serious when I say I feel like I really can't.

The mere guilt is getting to me, since its haraam on more level than one. But like I said, my husband has enough respect for me and the commands of Allah swt to lower his gaze (and I'm totally on his case if he doesn't...sorry sweety) ALHAMDULLILAH. So I will not put the haraam out there for him or anyone else.

A look into the past.

2010-02-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

A while back I was on an old email account and for whatever reason went onto the virtual 'notepad'. I saw a bunch of entries I did not remember having ever written, until I realized they were years old, and were in fact my diary entries.

Please ignore my spelling errors. I'm horrible at spelling now, but even worse back then.

ok hi. i would like you to know a little about me. like i'm a girl and my name is[AlabasterMuslim] .i'm 11 years old. my birthday is january 5th. i'm at my grandpa and grandmas house ,that is in wisconsin,for the month. this was kinda a bad way to start my internet diary but it will do. my best friend is amanda. i oringanally live in ohio. i'm up here for a visit.i would like to tell you thet today is july 2cond 2003. i will make the next diary entry better. well i hope i will figure out how to save this.
your new writer, [Alabaster].
p.s. my nick name is glow girl so thet is what i will call my self. so love "glow girl".

lol. Even then I loved nick names. Its a long story how glow girl started, but I kept it until two years ago.

july3, 2003
dear diary,
hi i'm back. to day me and my brother and cousin 'A' and my mom are going to go to the mall.it is going to be soooooo much fun.my cousin is only four though. she likes to complain a lot. i don't care though.she is pretty mature for her age. she is really tall for her age to.
i don't really have a secret admirer. wich in a way is kinda of a bumber. because over the summer it is fun to you know some one to think about. i think it 's kinda becuase no one likes me exsept this onr dorkey boy. he is so gay!i think no one likes me in school because they know that if they mess with me they are going to get thier bbutt kicked. most girls can only kick the guys. and slap them wich they never do. but i can actly puch them.
in third grade i went out with this boy named 'C'. he dumbped me . i didn't even care. but i kinda did because i alway dump the guys not them dump me.so tnis year thatis now over but. this school year i toatly hulmileated him.he diserved it. i will tell you how tommorow when i write again.
your friend,
glow girl

Just to clarify, any boyfriend I had was an omg-he-gave-me-a-cookie-that-means-we-are-bf-and-gf. HA. I was totally in denial though, I don't know where I got the notion that I humiliated him (or hulmileated lol) because I certainly did not. Proof though that young kids are totally thinking about the opposite sex.

P.S. YEAH BOYS WATCH OUT BECAUSE I ACTUALLY PUNCH! (I'm dying on the other side of this screen. I was so confident in myself, wasn't I?)

Prisoner No. 650 * AFIA SIDDIQUI *

2010-01-30T10:24:00.000-08:00

I found this in my inbox today. Allahu Alim if its true or not, I pray that it isn't. Sadly there are people who go through situations like this.

Prisoner No. 650
Dr Aafia Siddiqui,
A Pakistani PhD. Having 144 Honorary Degrees & Certificates, In Neurology, From Different Institutes Of The World,
The Only Neurologist In The World Have The Honorary Ph.d From Harvard University,
Hafiz-e-Quraan,
Aalima,
Not Even A Single American Matches her Qualifications,
Was Kidnapped along with her 3 children, By the FBI from Karachi, With Help of Our Government Alleging Connection with Al-Qaeeda,
Now She is in USA prison,
Having Lost Memory, Due to physical, Psych ological & Sexual Torture,
She is Imprisoned with Men,
But We,
The Muslims are
Dead,
Even this Message will remain in our Inbox, until we delete it.
Protest!
If you cannot do anything,
Just forward it and just Pray for Her.

Plz spread it !!!!!

Some more Dua is needed.

2010-01-27T13:35:00.000-08:00

Salaamu Alaikum everyone!
Just wanted to ask for some Dua. Skipped my period again, and its really starting to get to me. I just want everything to be normal with me. I am not taking medicine, my insurance just ended so I can't go to the doctors...Ya Allah.
There are some natural remedies to induce periods, but I honestly don't trust them, I don't believe they will work. *sigh* I can go up to three months before starting my period again...For real I'm about to cry. The weird thing is I know I need to start it. I get all the same symptoms - MAJOR PMS! I feel like a wreck- I need to scream, cry, run around in circles and sleep. Plus, I'm breaking out. So basically I get all the symptoms, but not my actual menstrual cycle. I know I just need to stay patient, but its so hard....Just please, Make dua for me. Thanks.

Sex before Marriage

2010-01-22T14:06:00.000-08:00

I don't like posting too many times in a row, I don't want to have anyone get burned out on my blog. (Plus, I don't always have much to say). But today when I was watching tv, the subject of sex came up (when does it not).

It got me thinking, man I really was just so ignorant when I was younger. Or maybe it was the fact I was just innocent.

Everyone always told me, don't have sex before marriage. And while I appreciated their advice, I never really thought twice about it. Having a mother and a father who were both very religious, and both VERY against sex before marriage, I should have realized how bad it was. I feel like I should have understood. But I really didn't. How could have I? I had never had sex, so I didn't understand...the intimacy, the importance, the VALUE of virginity, and giving it to your one true love (i.e. husband or wife).

Now that I'm married, I understand. I understand that it is not only for reproducing, but its a form of (hopefully) immediate bonding and love.

So the thing is, if I had parents telling me how important it virginity was, and I still really didn't understand, how can my children?

Maybe I didn't understand fully because my parents were split up, and they never came together to talk to me about it, which possibly would have had a bigger impact on me? Instead I was scared into not having sex instead of having it fully explained...maybe it was just me.

Today, I feel like all my life I was really praying to Allah Swt. I never prayed to another god, and I never believed there was more than ONE god. But at the same time, I was not learning about Islam and I did not call god Allah. So was that why I never understood? Because I was not muslim?

Will I have a better chance at protecting my future children (inshallah) by having myself as a mother and my husband as a father, uniting, explaining, trying to let them understand? Will bringing my children up as strong Muslims allow them to maintain their innocence and virginity? If I watch over them like a hawk, in a way my parents were not able to, will that help keep them from sinning and making a big mistake?

If there are any young muslims (AND NON MUSLIMS!!!) reading this...I'm telling you. DO NOT HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE! One day, when you marry, you will be able to experience love, happiness, and sex with your spouse. And then you will really, really understand what I am talking about.

Once my mother told me a simple reason for not having boyfriends or sexual relations before marriage. She told me that when I do marry, if my spouse knows, he would be so jealous. I didn't really think about it. But if you think of it this way...if you DO have a boyfriend, or if you can imagine having a spouse...imagine knowing about an ex girlfriend they had. You thought that special way they said your name, or that loving way he looks at you, or the inside joke you two have...you thought it was just you but no- they have shared that with another girl or man. Personally, that thought sends shivers of jealousy all over me.

Giving away your virginity is one of the most precious things you could do. If you value yourself enough, others will value you too. Your husband or wife will appreciate the wedding night so much more, and every other night so much more.

I pray that I can really teach my children about the importance of virginity, teach them the importance of self-worth, pray that all of you can keep your pants on until you are married (lol), pray for forgiveness for those who have had sex before marriage.

Note to future children: I'll try my best to teach you. And if you act out, I am totally grounding you. No, no do not tell me I am being overbearing. I am trying to protect you from the hell fire, so show some appreciation!

What once use to be a full, healthy and complete nail.

2010-01-21T20:32:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I slammed my nail in a window. It hurt! I was in front of others so I didn't cry, but man if I was alone some tears would have definitely escaped.

Its kind of childish but I always feared losing my nail. My little brother once slammed his finger while playing with a sliding glass door (poor baby, he was only about three or four). First his nail turned black, then seemed to...'swell' or something. It was like his nail had ballooned upwards off of his skin, except for all of the edges. I love that boy but even I would keep his hand far away from me.

So for a while I was really hoping my nail could make it. Even though there was black blood pooled beneath the nail, I had hope. Then one day I noticed the middle of my nail was cracking. I helped it along (stupid on my part). It was hallow under my nail. You know the skin you might accidentally cut if you are not to careful when using nail clippers? Well I pushed that skin down a little bit, trying to get a view and I started screaming when I realized that the skin was no longer attached to my nail. (or vice verse I suppose).

I had to take some nail clippers and start cutting down the middle of my nail. Dried black blood fell out everywhere, sooo nasty! My skin is soo tender now. I guess I'm just going to go and put a band aid over it for a while until my nail grows back all the way. Alhamdullilah my nail is not forever damaged- there is already a few centimeters of beautiful, clean, white nail coming out.

But for real, that finger looks nastyyyy. Even my husband is like "Damnnn keep that thing away from me!" LOL. So naturally I'm going to shove it in his face to show my love. haha.

I always forget you.

2010-01-20T10:59:00.000-08:00

You know when you really gotta go the restroom, you rush in, drop your pants, do your thing....you go to grab the lota (the 'watering can' or whatever you use to pour water on yourself) but then you realize - Oh crap. There is no water in it!

So you consider your choices. To your right is a sink, to your left is the bathtub.
You take the option bathtub and leannnnnnnnnnnnnnn over, filling it with water while you try to stay still so you don't fall off the toilet. Your poor back, the muscles have all locked up and you probably spilled water all over the floor.

Finally, your done.

Four hours later : You need to use the restroom. And once again, you forgot to put water in the lota.

I don't know why, but every time I forget! LOL. If you ever hear me complaining about my back, that is probably why.

Midnight walk attire

2010-01-15T18:23:00.000-08:00

My midnight walks with the husband continue. I really treasure those walks. Its at night, with not many people around. I can relax my hijab and feel the wind a little more.

So, like any other night, I put on jeans, one of my hoodies (I love hoodies) and my shoes. I wait in my room for my husband to come home so we can take off. I'm practically jumping up and down and ready to get going. (I told you, I really love it.)He opens up the door and I fling myself at him with a hug, "sALAAAmmmmmuuu Alaikuuummm!"
His arms wrap around me too late, I can tell his mind was elsewhere.

"What's wrong?" His face is bunched up, and I can tell there is something concerning him.

"Heyy whats wrong?" I poke him to get a reaction.

"Oh! Uh, nothing. Just wondering though, are planning on going out like that?"

I look down at myself...nothing seems wrong. I didn't understand at first, but I got the point when he was staring at my feet.

"My shoes? You have a problem with my shoes?"

"Nah," he says sitting down, "Just- well- they aren't shoes."

"Well, they are slippers. Same thing." He stays quiet while I check myself out in the mirror.

"They don't even match. One is red, and one is brown."

"Yeahhh...but they still match. They still look good. I'm still fly." (No, I didn't really say fly. I don't remember what I said. haha).

"Are you kidding me?" He laughs, "okay, well then...get me mine too."

"Psh thats right I knew you were jealous cuzz I look fine in mine".

"What was that?"

"Nothing, sweety."

I get him his slippers (his only brown, 'normal' ones), and still wearing my 'mismatched' ones we head out, arm in arm.

The real reason I'm writing this is I just wanted your guys opinion. Do you think my slippers didn't match? Really think about this one, just because they were two different colors doesn't mean they aren't meant to live on feet harmoniously!

*wow, my feet look sooo small HAHA*

You are not the only one who this has harmed.

2010-01-13T12:08:00.001-08:00

Because of the underwear bomber, everyone is really worked up. A new wave of fear has spread, but not only to the non-muslims. I think that's what people don't understand. Its spread to the MUSLIMS too. If any of you watch CNN you'll see the Muslim sister who was targeted only because she wore a scarf. She was born and raised in America, beautiful, seemed very sweet...but apparently, that is the ingredients to becoming a terrorist.

I have not seen my mother, brother, or sister in almost two years. I miss them SO much. Since they live in KSA we hardly see each other. Finally, we are able to meet up. But the only problem is the 'security' at the airports. My mom is no stranger to being targeted.

*She's had her body fondled. So much so that my sister who was six at the time said, "Mommy...She was touching you only to be mean. You could see it in her eyes." What SIX year old recognizes something like that?

(I want to let you know that only women are allowed to do body searches, and also they can only check your breasts if they have reason to, and only then with an OPEN palm. No fondling allowed.)

*When my sister was still in diapers, the security felt it was of the up most importance to check her diaper and make sure she had no explosives in there. I hope they got a face load of shit. Just because she was a young toddler does not mean she doesn't have the right to privacy.

*She is constantly 'randomly' selected. Wow, she is randomly selected EVERY time. Hmm. Maybe not so random after all.

We are very use to the government trying to screw us over in one way or another, and do not put rape, or molestation past anyone who is under the U.S.'s protection. Do you think we are really paranoid? Well, you wouldn't think that if you knew someone who's had this happen to them, with no repercussions to the rapists.

Because of us not wanting anything bad to happen to my mother, we are trying to figure out alternatives to flying. A cruise? What else is there?
A cruise is not going to happen. So we are seeing if she can have a direct flight so she will only be searched twice.

I do not want to attack everyone who works as security at the airport. I have run into some very, very nice people. So nice I've wondered why I felt so uncomfortable in the first place. Without them I probably wouldn't fly ever again, or at least not as much as I usually do.

I'm so upset, I really never imagined that this could effect us so much. I pray that in another four months (the time when my mom will be coming Inshallah) all of this will have died down. But I have a feeling we are nowhere close to the end of this.

Please fill out line A

2010-01-07T13:07:00.000-08:00

I'm back at my husbands shop today. Its only been a little while since the last time I "worked" here, (I put "work" in quotations because i never worked...and thus my own husband fired me *sigh*) but Alhamdullilah things have changed a lot. Things seem to run more smoothly than when we first opened up, the place is more organized (except for the car parts and red greasy rags on MY desk). The best part is we are, Alhamdullilah, getting a lot more business, and that makes him happy, resulting in my own happiness. (I hate it when he's stressed. I get stressed out too that way).

Usually there is nothing for me to do, which is why I never really worked before. But today there is: Taxes. Business taxes. He wanted to hire an accountant to do the work, but I talked him out of it and got myself into a whole steep of a mess that I have no clue about. Taxes? I hadn't even done my own last year. At all. Which i really hope doesn't come and bite me in my butt, but since I was getting like NO money back I have been told not worry about it.

Now, on top of the motorcycle/car parts and red greasy rags, I have a bunch of folders containing paper work I organized (and the husband messed up, sorry buddy), and a bunch of letters from the Department of Revenue on my desk. (And even though I don't work here anymore, I am the one who put together this desk from scratch. So its forever more MY desk.)

After hours of combing through paperwork, stressing my husband out, I kindly find a piece of paper that he had taken to an accountant unbeknownst to me, and had all the answers + math work still on it. Which made my life easy and I got all the work done in about two minutes. Allahu Akbar.

We have no heater in the shop, so I'm pretty much freezing my butt off and I can hear my husband grumbling in the other room, yelling at a screw he either dropped or can't loosen. The good thing is we have pizza AND sprite and yes, that does make me a very, very happy girl. But not in the I'm-eating-my-feelings kind of way. Just a OH-MY-GOD-THIS-IS-THE-BEST kind of a way. Because apparently even after frustrating taxes and frozen fingers, it only takes food to make me smile :D.

SO CUTE!!

2010-01-04T14:39:00.000-08:00

I can't help it, I LOVE THIS LITTLE KID!!!

Mashallah, isn't he soooo cute??

In the comments I read some people saying he is actually just a 'little' person, he's 33 years old. Allahu Alim, but he is watching the man behind him and copying him like how a child does, so I believe he is really just a wittle baby awwww hehe.

Conspicuous Girl

2009-12-29T12:50:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, when it's all said and done, when everything has been broken down, analyzed, and hashed out, you just need to focus on how good you really have it.
And Alhamdullilah, I have it pretty good.

This year is over, and for me it really has been crazy. I turned seventeen, I got married to the love of my life, and I moved far away from my family. Subhanallah.

But its the even smaller things that make life so wonderful, so many memories.

Like the other day I caught my husband singing 'promiscuous girl' by Nelly Furtado. Only he was singing 'conspicuous girl', and he honestly thought that those were the correct lyrics.

Or watching the sweet, sweet rain poor down outside of my home, and for once not being too hot from the weather around me.

Staying out late at night and walking around, watching the stars and the moon and the clouds billow about.

Standing outside Wal Mart, in below zero weather (when my in laws came to visit me in Wisconsin) , and praying behind my husband and brother in law.

Learning from arguments, fights, and overcoming my own personal self esteem issues and other emotional issues, an ongoing feat I will one day accomplish inshallah.

Experiencing the many wonders that Allah swt has created, and, once again, being blown away from the amazing, simple fact that Allah swt really does care after us.
(And Alhamdullilah, things between my father and I are good.)

I am eternally grateful for what I have.
Are you?

I don't like it when..

2009-12-15T11:04:00.000-08:00

I don't like it when there is a large family of Muslims passing me in JCPenney's, who ignore me when I send my Salaamz their way. There is no way it was not heard.

Beware, I WILL tell you that what you did was wrong and rude.

I am a Muslim, and it is YOUR duty as a Muslim to reply to me.

So I'll say it to all of you:
ASALAAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAHI WA BARAKATUH

And they say....

2009-12-11T19:14:00.001-08:00

SURELY THIS IS JUST A COINCIDENCE! PERHAPS THE FOLLOWING WILL HELP PROVE JUST THAT!

Yeah, so the 20 dollar bill that came out in the early 1900s shows both the world trade center and the pentagon on fire when folded up.

AND THEY SAY IT WAS THE MUSLIMS WHO MASTERMINDED 9/11!

Allergies & Racing

2009-12-08T07:39:00.000-08:00

My husband has really bad allergies. Super bad. His eyes swell and become red, and its like everything from the nose up locks up in congestion, or becomes runny (ew). On top of that years ago he had to have reconstructive surgery on the inside of his nostril (he got a lot of bumps and bruises from boxing). I think this messes with his sinuses a lot too.

But, even though his allergies are VERY bad, that fool refuses to take medicine! We have SO many packets and bottles filled with medicine he can use, but instead he goes out and buys a jar of vix vapor rub, that is meant to relieve coughing by rubbing it on your chest. Instead, he takes a glob out with his finger and sticks the whole thing up his nose. He says it works better than anything else, lol.

So while he's taking care of his nose (and work) I was in my room dusting like no ones business. It wasn't really 'dusting' like this a feather wand or anything (which I use to LOVE those feather wands when I was little). Instead, I used just some cleaning material and a rag.

I figure since I'm doing all this dusting I might as well really clean the room. As I'm doing the laundry and other things, I start thinking ok. I'll make tonight special for my husband. I mean, the rooms beautiful now, so why not. (I don't know how the room got me going, but it really did)

9:00pm: So I take an hour to curl my hair. The curls always leave my hair about two minutes after the hot rod leaves it, so its all a mass of curls and hair spray.

9:55pm: I take another hour to do my make up

10:40pm: I get dressed in the appropriate atire

12:00am: I fall asleep waiting for my husband.

1:00am: I wake back up, so see my husband already home and setting up the Xbox 360 that he borrowed from his little brother.

All my plans went out the door and we spent another two hours drag racing. I can't even explain how horrible I am at video games. Going in a straight line should be easy, right? Psh, totally wrong. I drive in zigzags the whole time- until I crash which is most of the time. He decided to teach me the 'proper' way to play a video by cheering himself on and screaming insults to the other drivers.

We didn't go to sleep until about 3 in the morning poor guy, he has to get up so early for work and I won't see him until about 1:30 in the morning (tonight) because he works so later. Inshallah he won't have to work so hard soon, Ameen! Because man I love that guy. Everyone repeat after me: A-L-H-A-M-D-U-L-L-I-L-A-H!

[p.s. I turn 18 in about 28 more days. Then I have a something big to tell you all]

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

2009-12-04T17:31:00.000-08:00

Have any of you seen the movie The Boy in the Striped Pajamas? Its about a young innocent boy who's father is a soldier during the time of Nazi Germany. Because of this his family relocates to a house very close to a concentration camp (the boy can see it through his window) and later meets a little boy too.

It is a FANTASTIC movie! Except it is utterly desturbing. There is nothing in the movie that I didn't know happened during the holocaust from all the books I've read about it. But this was something else. Seeing the young boys (suppose to be 8 years old in the movie) being mistreated so badly....well, I cried. Not just a *tear* but full-on hugging my pillow face-turned-black-from-mascara crying.

Maybe it is because I loved the little Jewish boy so much. He conveyed his pain and hunger so well through his eyes and his personality. It was like I was there and all I wanted to do was hug him and whisk him away to safety.

(And people say all Muslims hate Jews. They don't even know, I gotta soft spot for them awwww)

If you have not seen this movie, do so. There is nothing too graphic (and no um adult scenes) except for the end where they show a shot of the gas chambers which if you don't look away quick enough you might see some butt crack. Other than that you're good.

Not so depressed

2009-11-29T09:44:00.000-08:00

Ok you guys. I'm not sure if any of you noticed by the last few blog posts...but i've been totally out of it. As in depressed.

One morning I wake up, and I'm crying my eyes out.
The next morning, I wake up and look in the mirror and
I'm like damn my face is breaking out!

And then I wake up and TAH-DAH!
I got my period.

Do you know how HAPPY I AM? The medicine
the doctor gave me TOTALLY WORKED! ALLAHU AKBAR!

Which, in case you have not realized it yet, is why I was so upset and depressed. Because I am one of those girls who has intense PMS (turns out to be another symptom of PCOS).

And now I'm all emotional and just want to let you all know i love you all and you all are the BEST!

hehe

By the way, if any of you suffer from cramps, I recommend some kind of pain reliever (like Midol ) and HEAT! HOT HOT HOT SHOWER! Or, if you are like me and your shower decides to shoot out cold water, get some water, make it really hot, and and put it in a water bottle. aawww the relief!

And I just want you all to know that I love Allah (SWT) sooo much and I hope you do too because because because I just do. *tears*
Man you guys, I am so out of it lol.

I love Eid, but sometimes....

2009-11-27T04:23:00.000-08:00

Eid Mubarak everyone!
So right now there is a family of nine packed into a car that is meant for seven people, so I'm sure its a little hard to deal with. Especially because...remember the lady who I caught looking at porn? She's in the car with them.

But I'm not. For one major reason - I really can't stand the whole scene. I've had some pretty bad expeirences going to Eid Salaat at the masjid. My baby brother and sister have been trampled on-causing an all out riot. [Mom & myself really had to make sure those people were never going to do it again]. There was another time when we were in the very front of the women's section, literally there being ONLY enough room in front of us to pray [and then a wall]...when a woman comes and sits in front of us. We had no where to pray and when we complained another lady 'running' things kicked us out.
Plus, I don't like being filmed or having a picture taken of me by men, which ALWAYS happens. And seeing woman wear things they should be wearing to the club to the masjid [or fair grounds] really just pisses me off.

Now after all of this, I realize oh-my-god it is wajib to attend Eid Salaat for women. At least I think it is. Does it make it any better if i'm not attending a masjid that is owned through a haraam loan [i.e. half a million dollars in interest?]. Or that later will have magicians come to entertain the kids? Or will be playing games with music and have women come play?
I'm not so sure.

But still, I'm so happy it is Eid. EID MUBARAK!

I love this picture.

Oh Dear Best Friend.

2009-11-24T20:37:00.001-08:00

I'm too exhausted to explain my whole heart out in this post, but I really gotta say....

I have a best friend.
ONE.
and we've been best friends since I was 13.
We've been through everything, switching schools,
moving, having people try to sabotage our friendship.
And its sad because now that i'm married we don't
talk as much. I know maybe that sounds stupid, but
really its so sad. When we do talk, its like nothing ever
changed. We tell each other everything just like we did
when we were little.
I hate this change...a change I cannot undo, cannot fix,
even though at the same time nothing is wrong.
Has anyone wondered why I love everyone on blogger
so much?
Because I'm not the kind of person to go out and make
friends with everyone in this world, even though I'm
easy to be friends with.
Honestly, I feel closer to a lot of you people than
anyone I know in real life. I guess that is kind of
sad. Probably pathetic. But whatever.

Anyone else ever lose a friend....with out really
losing them?

Sister, Allah needs your help!

2009-11-21T10:34:00.000-08:00

Astaghfirallah! I have to say that, because I feel guilty for even making that the title of this post. But those are NOT my words. That is the subject title that 'pedophile22' sent me in a personal email on youtube. (Find me at youtube.com/alabastermuslim.com...no i do not post videos). I knew from the name it was going to be a bunch of bull, but my curiousity was too strong. So I'll let you know some of the things he wrote.

Salam sister.

First of all, I would like to share this great and truly wonderful news with you. Allah has chosen me to be his next - the 26th messenger of Islam. This is truly a remarkable and an extraordinary development and a sign that the end of times is near. We must prepare for the final Judgment Day, where the pious believers will be sent to Jennah and of course the evil doers will inherit the everlasting inferno. Before this imminent day happens though, Allah wants to reveal his updated message and also send his final warning to Humanity so that everyone has a chance to know his mercy and study his beautiful teachings. You, as a believer and a slave of Allah, have nothing to worry about, as you are being chosen by HIM to assist me - his beloved prophet for this simple and honorable task.

....later on he writes And remember sister:

"......Allah has prepared painful punishment for hypocrites who have rejected Him and his Prophet Pedophile22 (PBUH)"..... verse #14 from Allah's new Holy Book."

and even later he ends with a : P.S. One more thing sister. Just ignore all these haters of Allah out there, who spread lies about me and say that I am not a prophet of Islam. This is not true.

I remember seeing him post comments on some of the videos that I did, so i'm guessing thats where he found me from.

My reply to him : Hey, when you end up in hell, and beg for mercy because your tongue and innards are being ripped out - just remember. There is no one who will help you.

Um. Was that too harsh?

There is a book i bought online called "Descriptions of HELL from the Qur'an and Hadeeth." It is such a good book. I like to read about hell to know what is going to happen there to try and save my own butt- but also because i have a morbid curiousity.

One of the surahs it qoutes is surah Fatir, 35:36-37 which reads:

"But for those who disbelieve will be the fire of Hell. They will neither be [completely] killed and die, nor will its torment be lightened for them. Thus do We reward every ungrateful one. Therein they will cry out [for assistance', 'Our Lord, remove us, [and] we will work righteousness- other than what we used to do.' But did we not give you long enough life that whoever would be reminded, adn the warner had come home to you? So taste [the result of your deeds]. There is no helper for the wrongdoers."

This came to mind when I wrote a comment back to the guy. Pretty cool that a surah popped into my mind! Alhamdullilah.

APOSTASY

2009-11-18T10:13:00.001-08:00

I've mentioned before in previous posts that at one point when I became Muslim I didn't want to wear hijab anymore. It scared me so much, I thought my mother was going to hate me for it. (She was the only one whose opinion mattered to me at the time). I was laying in my bed thinking whats wrong with me whats wrong whats wrong what do I do? And then it just came to me: I do not want to be Muslim anymore. If i'm not muslim, then no hijab!

So, crying my eyes out, I walked downstairs to tell my mother. When she saw me she was so worried, thinking something bad had happened. But when I told her, she understood that it wasn't that I didn't want to be Muslim, I just wanted my hair to show!

"AlabasterMuslim, you can still be muslim and not wear hijab at the same time!" She kept reasurring me. But I was really panicking, so I kept saying NO NO I'M NOT MUSLIM!
(Usually, my mother would have not allowed the no-hijab, but she was trying to save me from a bigger mistake).

I was almost thirteen years old. I took off my hijab, and I gained friends who wouldn't have been my friends otherwise. It got really bad for me, the people I was hanging out with and the things I was doing. I felt dirty, tired, used and abused. I felt like CRAP.

I was, like I said, almost 13, and two months later I found myself not happy again.

My family and I went to my best friend's brother's graduation party. It was in a large park, and the women and men were split up. My friend had to help people with food, so I was left to sit alone. During this time I observed everyone. Young women and young girls (and old!) all wore hijab. They wore it proudly, beautifully, with out a care in the world because they were doing it for the sake of Allah (SWT). These women were funny, GORGEOUS, and seemed to be enjoying life.

I wanted that. I wanted to wear a piece of cloth proudly, especially because I had never hated it. It was just all the damn pressure, all the stares, all the ignorant comments...it had really gotten to me.

I told my mom I had really been Muslim the whole time, it was just hijab that I didn't want to wear. And of course, she knew that's what it had been all about.

My struggle with hijab would not end there. Years later I would move in with my all non-muslim family. I would end up realizing the depth of love I had for Islam, Allah (SWT), and Prophet Muhammed (SWS). I would begin learning as much as I could, asking questions about the things that didn't seem true, and things that did seem true. I hated walking around not being recognized as a Muslim, passing Muslims with their eyes gliding away from me with out a salaamz. It wasn't for the attention, I needed this badge of faith on me, to allow others to know I'M MUSLIM. I'M PROUD. AND I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR MY RUBB!

Alhamdullilah, it will be one year for my hijab the day after thanksgiving. Plus, I wear abaya. Which for anyone who disagrees that abaya is mandatory, here is a little verse I like to call
Surah Al-Ahzaab,

Verse #59
‘O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks ("Jalabib") veils all over their bodies (screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way Tafseer Al-Qurtabi) that is most convenient that they should be known (as such) and not molested: and Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful."

The point of this post really wasn't all about hijab and my struggles with it. It is about apostasy.

Here's MY two cents on it. Not on the person who left Islam and we all know who she is. But this is about apostates in general.

I never use the word apostate. Just to me it sounds kind of funny. I used the words 'use to be muslim' and 'kaffir'.

I understand why its such a huge crime in Islam to reject Allah (SWT) and the Prophet (SWS) and any of the other Prophets (AS). Because, not all, but a lot of Muslims understand Islam. They know THE TRUTH. Right there is the huge HELLO! YOU KNOW THE TRUTH! YOU UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH! You might not LIKE the truth. You might not LIKE the fact that music is haraam, that abaya is a must, that fasting is obligatory. But it doesn't matter. You don't deny those things to be true just because you don't want it to be. You don't leave Islam because you don't like certain things. That is why we are tested, to see how far our faith goes, how strong our iman is. So those who leave- yes I truly believe you were WEAK and had WEAK iman. If you had strong iman you would never have left!

I told Life's Balance Beam that if you let shaitan in a little bit, he'll try to wiggle his way into your life completely. Islam is an ultimate tool to preventing harm. Women don't mix with men, because that leads to premarital sex, rape, molestation, and cheating. Those things in turn lead to worse problems. We don't drink because that leads to alcoholism, and again rape and cheating. Which turns into worse problems. We pray five times a day because it helps keep us from losing our deen, it helps keep our iman strong.

Others might support someone when they leave Islam, but you know what? I DON'T. I'm not going to go out and cause hell, but if the Prophet (SWS) does not like apostasy, I certainly do not either.

It is so saddening to hear when a sister or brother leaves Islam. All we can do is pray that they realize the serious mistake they made and come back to the truth. And also take heed, shaitan never stops working. He'll find his way, so we have to constantly try to strengthen our own iman, because no one is perfect. We all struggle. But because of our struggle turn to Allah (SWT) instead of turning against him.

Inshallah, I pray that we all stay in Islam, that our faith stays strong and continues to strengthen. I pray that all of our sins be forgiven and that we all end up in Jennah together. AMEEN!

New post on Private Blog.

2009-11-17T09:50:00.001-08:00

I wrote a new post on my private blog, further discussing my diagnosis.

My diagnosis

2009-11-16T16:42:00.000-08:00

I have just been diagnosed with PCOS.

Family Day

2009-11-11T13:11:00.001-08:00

Before my grandfather retired, he use to work with computers. But not small computers that we use, he worked with huge gigantic kind that helped program things. At least, I think that's what he did. All I remember is seeing pictures of him next to dinosaur computers and hear him say something about programming.

Once a year, his company hosted a fair, which they (or was it just us?) called "Family Day". Rides would be carted out on the huge asphalt parking lot, as would booths for food and other games. You could see colorful blaring lights and hear tingling music. The smell of all the cotton candy and hot dogs reached you before you even got there. You know, just the typical kind of fair.

We would go every year, but there was this one year that was particularly eventful. I was six years old, probably almost seven. My family went to hit the rides, but I was hungry. So my grandfather and I went to buy food and a drink. After we got the food we sat down on metal benches. Man, my hamburger was good. I chowed down on that thing. Then I ate my fries.

After eating a hamburger and fries in two point three seconds, I needed my soda. Only, problem was, when I grabbed it I saw a huge bigger-than-dinosaur-computer BUMBLE BEE. Holding the Styrofoam cup with both of my hands, I leaned forward to show my grandfather.

"Grandpa. Grandpa, look. There's a bee in the pop." (Back then, I still called soda 'pop').

"What sweetie? You want something else?" I could see his face wrinkled in confusion.

"No, look. There is a bee." I looked at him through his coke bottle glasses, ten inches thick.

"We can get you something else if you don't want it."

"No Grandpa, look at the soda. There is a bee in the pop!"

He grabbed the cup and took one big swig, downing the whole thing. I saw the bee enter his mouth and then disappear.

My seven year old mouth hung open in disbelief.

Years later (as in just last year) I spoke to my Grandfather about the incident.

"Do you remember? Do you remember when you drank the Bee?" He was sitting on his chair and was playing solitaire on the computer.

"What? What do you mean a bee?"

"There was a bee in the cup. That was why I didn't want it."
I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh," he grimaced in disgust. After a minute of thinking he said, "Well, maybe I got some protein out of it."

That's right folks. My grandpa always sees the positive side of things. And I guess he likes his protein.

I Hear Stories

2009-10-30T15:33:00.000-07:00

I only hear stories from friends. About how their families are absolutely loony. Like, for example, a husband cheats on his wife so they decide to punish him by cutting the girls ear off. Or the MIL beats the daughter in law for seriously no reason at all. Or, the story about a cousin who sneaks into the graveyard and eats flesh off dead bodies. (We think something is wrong with him. Do you now?)

But really, while I always listen intently to these stories, they just seem so fake to me. Like huge exaggerations.

That was until I married my husband. Most of his family is normal, and especially his immediate family (AKA mom, siblings, dad). But damn. I've already mentioned the whole porn incident, and trust me I've been told the stories.

Living here, I'm witnessing it first hand.

Like how a while ago when we had a family dinner. And one of the ladies (I'm not sure when it started, as they were talking in arabic a while before I caught on) was preaching about how suicide bombing is ok. That its halal. But ONLY and ONLY if the person you are trying to harm (this is the kicker) is a JEW. I was just like WTF? Are you serious?

My husband is younger than everyone, but they all go to him if there are questions to be asked about Islam. I guess because other than me, he is the only one who actually researches so he knows inshallah, the correct way of Islam. Like how suicide bombing, for any reason AT ALL, is HARAAM! We broke out our books of hadith and I helped him find a bunch of hadith about suicide (and of course they were all about how if you commit suicide you'll end up in hell and repeat the way you died over and over again for all of eternity).

There was a lot of debating back and forth in Arabic, which was so annoying because if someone is talking bull I like to correct them. I suppose she said something along the lines of how people who die shahid, or martyrs, are forgiven for everything. So we showed her a hadith about how they are forgiven for everything [except debt]. Though obviously those who commit suicide are not martyrs because they will go to hell.

When I told the woman very firmly that she was wrong, she just said, "No AlabasterMuslim," and shut me out.

Whatever!

[p.s. His family really does rock though. I would never trade his family for anyone else's. Alhamdullilah, I'm blessed. If I had married anyone else, I'm pretty sure I would have a lot more stories to hear and tell. And plus, I'd probably be one of those abused Daughter In Laws.]

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon

2009-10-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

Today, while watching the news, a story was reported about a pregnant muslim woman having been stabbed 18 times in a court room. Her husband tried to save her, but a policemen 'mistook' him to be another attacker, and was shot in the leg. Her three year old son was in the German court room, and saw the whole thing. [You can read an article about it here, though it does not explain everything in detail]
She died a martyr.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon!
May Allah(SWT) have Mercy upon her, and exalt her station in Jannah. Ameen!

Its so sad. How could someone harm another human being like that? How is it possible? I know that some people are able to be completely encompassed in hatred...but I just can not imagine it. I mean, no one is ever happy if they are so full of hate. How could they be? It is a horrible feeling. Some people just welcome the shaitan into their hearts, Authu Billah!

My question is, how the hell was a man able to have a knife in his possession while in a court room? People these days are so paranoid about terrorist they are missing who to look for, and what to look for. It is such a shame.

We always think about the woman, how sad it is that she had to die in that way. But her time is up, all of her sins and good deeds have been counted. Every sin is forgiven for someone who has died shahid, except debt. Now, it will be her husband and son and other loved ones who are being tested. Will her husband scream and yell and stop praying to Allah (swt)? Inshallah he will not. Will her son grow up to resent a mother who had no choice and 'left' him, will he turn his back on Allah (SWT) also? May Allah protect him from the roller coaster emotions that can cause him to act that way.

May Allah (SWT) protect us from such tests, and allow us into Jennah. Ameen.

JayDubs.

2009-10-23T11:42:00.001-07:00

My father and grandmother are Jehovah's Whitnesses. You know, the people who go around and knock on your door super early, mostly on saturdays? Then leave publication about religion? Yeah thats them. And yeah, I was one of those kids who was made to go around in a dress and tights and knock on doors at 8 AM speaking about stuff I had no clue about. My brothers and I hated it. (They looked so cute in their suits. But I felt so bad for them!) My mother and I call them jaydubs. Or, j.w.'s (the initials of the name of their religion).
Oh, the memories.
They all rushed back as I was sitting in a doctors office, and decided to read some magazines. Well, there were about three 'watchtower' magazines. I just chuckled to myself, but one stuck out in my mind. Actually, it was the picture on the front :

Notice that the middle guy is the "Jehovah's Witness" and that there is a Muslim, Catholic, Buddist, Some other kind of Christian, and a Jew. They are trying to steal him away from the "truth". Okay, is it just me, or how um racist does this seem? They always preach how racism isn't ok, but what about this? I love the muslim in this picture. Mashallah, they got his beard right, too, I think. They put a curve to his nose (obviously they don't understand that anyone of any race can be Muslim.) Hey, and they are all men. What the heck!

You might be owed money- check here!

2009-10-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

If you live in the U.S. or have ever lived in the U.S. go to missingmoney.com
You can search your name and see if anyone owes you money.
My FIL is owed S49.99 from years ago (by dish network). You find out how
much you are owed when you print out the form to fill out and mail in. Hope
you all have money waiting for you :D.

Planned Parenthood

2009-10-20T18:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen a movie or a show where a girl walks into Planned Parenthood, stricken by jumbled nerves and waiting for the doctor to say, "You're pregnant."
Well, that's pretty much how it was. Only the other girl was already in the room, having her life changed for the rest of her life, while two guys (both boyfriends?) sat in the lobby making jokes and anxiously waiting for her. Another guy, around 16, walks in wanting to buy condoms but they cost 10¢, and he thinks that is way too much. Now, all three guys joke and laugh about sex and condoms, all the while my mother in law is looking super confused so I have to lean over and explain things.
The secretary calls my name twice because I forgot to fill out certain sections of paper work, and since my owns nerves are getting to me (why was I nervous? I always get a little antsy at doctors offices) and I knock a chair out of the way because I rushed to the secretary too fast.
Finally I'm called to the back by a nurse, and I take my MIL with me. We have to walk through a hallway, with bare walls on either side, and then through another door that opens up to show all the exam rooms. For the first time I tell a doctor I'm married and she laughs saying she got married at 19 (she only looked about 24 years old).
She takes me out so I can piss in a cup, and I see the girl in a room, looking like she is about to cry. I'm guessing the news she got was not so good for her.
I'm told that because of my age I am ovulating funny, but nothing out of the ordinary. Other than that I'm told Iron level in my blood is 10.8 and its suppose to be 12, which I can fix by eating more healthy.
Relieved that I have finally been checked out by a doctor, I go to pay and am told that since I'm seventeen, it is for free. How cool is that? I'm going to go back as many times as I can in the next two months before I turn 18, lol.
I might not be eating enough greens, but looking around I know I'm in love with moisturizers. I have two bottles of lotion. I have five bottles of oil, one for scars/stretch marks/whatever else is on the bottle, two bottles that contain black seed oil (which is in every cure for illness in the world, Islamically speaking), and two that are Alma hair oil that smells so funny it reminds me of every desi friend I have. (I love you all). And apparently Arabs use it too, I guess proving that its good inshallah. There is also a bottle of aloe vera. I bought Aussie Shampoo and conditioner, both which are for seriously damaged hair and I have to say, it seriously rocks. My hair is so damaged that it was snapping in half, and if I comb my hair I see snapped ends ALL over the place. But Alhamdullilah my hair is growing out now so its not so bad, lol.
Like I said, only somewhere around 75 days until I'm 18, and totally completely free so I legally do not have to worry about anyone trying to intervene in ways I do not want them to. Allahu Akbar!
My eyes are half open, my skin moisturized and hair soaking in oil, and I should be sleeping but I'm waiting for my husband and at the moment I'm suffering from a high that is totally natural. And loving it.

Sick. Damn it.

2009-10-16T22:28:00.000-07:00

I feel sick.

Ew.

I'm cramping.
I'm Dizzy.
I'm hot. (When am I not? :)
My tatas are sore.
My back is super sore.
And I'm really agitated because I don't
like it when things are wrong and I don't
know why.
I'm worried because I'm 7 days late (its 1 in the morning so its 7 days now).
Test says negative.
What the heck? If I go 2 months without a visit from Aunt flow [again] I'm going
to go crazy.
All this pain is really just soreness, or pressure, not so much 'pain'. And it all comes
and goes...but it does that all day. It adds up though, to where I'm racking my brain
and searching on the net.
And all the answers come back to one thing:
Preggers.
Like I said before, Test says negative. [All three].
I know. I'm rambling. I'll make dua and go to sleep and hope for the best.
I love you all. [well not all of you. Only my sisters in Islam].
God, Betty Boop is such a whore.
We all know her last name is really suppose to be 'boob'.

Silly Ignorant Anonymous

2009-10-14T10:26:00.000-07:00

Omg you guys.
I finally got someone sending me anonymous comments.
Like now my blog is official or something LOL. Someones sippin on that hateoradeee!!! HA!
I always wondered what it would be like.
And ... well, it just humors me.
Because why would I take advice from someone who doesn't know
anything about Islam?

Since, oh anonymous, you wrote to me twice, I'll answer your
questions.
1) You, very rudely, said that my BIL is ten years old so of course
I don't have to wear hijab. Um, I remember being ten. And ten
year old little boys talk about sex, making out, and having girl friends.
Two years ago there was a sixth grade club called "The blow job club".
So are you telling me there is a big difference between fifth graders
and sixth graders? No, I don't think so.

and
2) You said that i'm 'freaking' 17 why the 'hell' would i want a baby?
Since I'm sure you think its just the age that is crazy...well, I know
plenty of 17 year olds that have babies. And, in most countries of
the world, most people have children before or around that age.
I am a Muslim, and that allows anyone who has had their period
and be married to have children. Alhamdullilah I'm proud of the fact
that I'm able to and inshallah will be blessed with as many as children
that Allah (swt) will grant me. Think of the TV show 18 kids and counting.
That'll be me, if Allah wills. And may Allah (swt) protect me against the evil
eye, ameen.

Advice needed, The In-laws are Death

2009-10-06T16:21:00.000-07:00

When I moved in with my husband, he asked me to wear hijab in front of his 12 year old cousin, who turned 13 about a month or two later. Everyone told me it was ridiculous because he was so 'young'.

"Come on AlabasterMuslim, if you needed to cover in front of him [if he has reached puberty] we would have told you," his mother told me. Well, I still covered in front of him. I didn't really think he would have any haraam thoughts...but I thought Yeah right like he would tell you 'hey mom i'm dreaming about women'. puh-lease. I was so boy-crazy at that age, everyone wanted to have a girlfriend or boyfriend.

But still I wasn't sure. I was reassured it was the right thing do [cover up I mean] by some women who Alhamdullilah practice Islam Inshallah correctly. Then I was thinking, if I was still in an Islamic school I would be made to cover in front of the boys.

Well, that situation having been taken care of, my thoughts now turn to my Husband's little brother, who is ten. About a month ago I realized perhaps I have to cover in front of him, too. I wanted to say something to my husband, but I was afraid that the real reason I was thinking about it is because maybe it would make my husband more concerned of getting our own place. I don't like being selfish, so I didn't say anything. Plus I was like, why make things harder for myself? Living inside a house where I have to wear hijab is totally going to suck.

Today when I went to the doctors I saw a pamphlet on puberty for boys, I grabbed it and started reading it out loud to tease my lil BIL. It said that boys start puberty from ages 10-15. It reminded me of the whole hijab situation and I was thinking, Islamically do I have to start wearing hijab in front of him?

I don't know if he is really 'mature' in that way, but I do know that he always jokes about being sexy [him, not me] and how he has 40 wives and so on. Its funny when he says because of the fact that he is young. But, does that mean he is noticing women? In that way? He is a really good little kid so I doubt his thoughts would turn to the haraam... but say if I am wearing a shirt to form fitting, anyone would stare even if they don't mean it in a bad way. And um, its not good to stare. lol.

Interesting Hadith about in-laws:

Sahih Al-Bukhari, vol. 7, Book of Nikah (Marriage), Hadith no. 159. It reads as follows:

`Uqbah Ibn `Aamir, may Allah be pleased with him, quotes Allah's Messenger as saying, "Beware of entering upon women." A man from the Ansar said, "O Messenger of Allah! What about Al-Hamu, or the wife’s in-law (the brother of her husband or his nephew, etc.)?" The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, replied: “The in-law of the wife is death itself.”

The scholar Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, says:

“The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, particularly warned women concerning Khulwah (being alone) with male-in-laws such as the husband's brother or cousin, since people are quite negligent in this regard, sometimes with disastrous consequences. It is obvious that a relative has easier access than a stranger to a woman's quarters, something concerning which no one would question him. The same is true of the wife's non-Mahram relatives, and it is prohibited for any of them to be in Khulwah with her.

(Taken from the Fatwa issued HERE)

Any advice? Wear hijab, or no?

The picture you see does not resemble me but i couldn't find anything else, okay?

2009-09-28T12:11:00.001-07:00

I see you. See you are walking around very angrily and grumbling to yourself some pretty naughty words, if I do say so myself. I see you getting annoyed at the things you want done but are taking too long. And I see beads of sweat breaking out on your forehead.

And you're saying some bads words in Arabic, which I am pretty sure means an insult about someone's father, though i don't know who's. Its funny though. Because your getting yourself worked up about nothing and your faced is screwed up in a funny looking way. Plus your grunting like your constipated, sorry.

What was that? Sudden silence? I'll go check why you are so quiet all of the sudden. * ok i'm back* Just wanted to let you know your hair is frizzing in the heat, but thats ok because you look good. And don't think i didn't see those muscles bulging.

My mother says hi. Well, actually, she says salaamu alaikum. She wants you to know she is going to try and abduct me for a while to come see her in Saudi Arabia. Oh, and she is training her two cats to poo and pee on the toilet. Just like on Meet The Fockers. You know my mom, she has high ambitions.

I forgot to tell you grandma called. She asked me how i was doing and if i had talked to my brothers. I asked her how she was doing and if she still has the ten year old panty hose still in the freezer because she thinks it'll keep them new, like batteries. She says hi.

You want me to make you a sandwhich?

Ok fine. I won't.

Yes, i like your new car. No, really i like it. No, i'm not just saying that.

Well ok, I don't like that there are red ants living on the carpet which bit me a lot. Particularly on my big toe.

Don't say that! My big toe is not hairy. Its just well equiped to handle cold climates.

Scared. Loved. Naseeb.

2009-09-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

I'm scared. Which I hate. I hate being scared because its almost a sign of weakness to me. Anyone ever watched the T.V. series 'lost'? Well its about a bunch of people who crash onto an Island, and a guy gives advice on how to handle fear. He says take a deep breath and let the fear settle for five seconds. When you hit five, don't let it be there anymore. That's how it is for me. I let it rise into me and right before I'm consumed I extinguish it like fire.

I know so many people who have been divorced. My parents, my Aunt, my friends' parents. If you go to a classroom of kids and ask them to raise their hands if their parents are divorced...well more than half of the class will raise their hand. Its just how it is. Divorce is my worst fear. Its always been. My husband's cousin came for moral support and advice because he is thinking about getting a divorce. I told him, get one if there is no hope for your marriage. But if there is, work it out. There are ways a divorce can effect people that they can never expect. Like my brother's and I have always had a hard time in school because my parents were split up and for one reason or another we never had study skills or homework skills instilled in us...thus making my whole school career a drag. Or, for example, this whole topic- if my parents had never been divorced this post would not even be written.

I hate it how people say watch out, it could be your husband who cheats, who lies, who leaves. I hate it because its true, you just never know. I've worked so hard to try and make sure it doesn't happen. Every time I see a person making a mistake in their marriage, I make a mental not : don't do that! I read so many books, Islamic and not, trying to prepare myself for marriage.

I don't think I'll get a divorce with my husband. I really don't. Our marriage really does seem like bliss. I almost feel guilty for it. I feel like the fact it is bliss that makes our whole relationship so fragile. Allah (swt) tests us with things we love the most, thats what people tell me. Well I love my husband the most, and I pray, Allahuma please don't test me with my husband!

He is the only person that I have ever felt completely safe with. Not my mother, my brothers, my father, my friends...He makes me feel 100% safe. Proves that when Islam says men are our protectors..well its true. I guess I depend on him so much because of how I feel for him, will that be my downfall?

My husband is religious and tries to follow the Qur'an and [Sunni] hadith as best as he can. I believe that this is what will save our marriage and keep it the way it is. Because Islam truly does prescribe the best way for a husband and wife to act.

Everyone says you just never know. Never really know anyone. I'm sorry, I disagree. You kind of know..those little hints. Hiding things, lying, their personality. Stuff that us women always ignore because we think it'll get better until it never does and we are in too deep. I really know my husband though. And he really knows me. He knows me so well that he knows if I'm smiling, rolling my eyes, crying...and this all on the phone [before we ever met in person!]. We tell each other every single day that we love each other, and we still get all mushy and romantic. Not everything is perfect. We argue, but still very little. Should I come back to reality and know that I'm living in a honey moon phase? I've only been married for six months, but I've been with him (I'm counting engagement + marriage, never bf&gf) for a year next month.

We just enjoy each other so damn much. I"m not the only one who read books about marriage, so has he. Which maybe is a big difference between our marriage and others'. He bought Islamic books on marriage, gone online, asked advice...

Perhaps that's why we are thriving. We simply know what to expect.

There is no immature whining, no playing games, no purposely trying to get each other jealous, no taking each others property just because we're married...we respect each others privacy. We came into this relationship trusting each other, not the other way around [which can seriously destroy a relationship in a very short amount of time].

I have a problem spending his money. Its not like I have an income of my own, so his is especially precious. He works amazingly hard for his money. I have sat him down and looked him straight in the eye and said, "I know you don't expect a thank you from me, but I just want to say thank you for everything you do. You work so hard and I don't think I could do what you do. I admire you and love you." I think everyone deserves to hear something like this, even if it is their Islamic duty and manly duty to take care of the wife and family. I also let him know that I don't want to get into debt. I'll take the crappiest apartment and crappiest car and not go out to eat ever and I'll be perfectly happy alhamdullilah. I DON'T want to go into debt. Don't want to watch my husband work himself to death because he felt he needed to buy me that four bedroom house with a pool that he'll pay off in another 20 years. I tell him this again and again and he just gets this beautiful smile on his face and he takes my face between his hands and kisses my cheeks and forehead and eyelids and always whispers, "I'm so happy I married you." I'm so happy when he says things like this, because its something I honestly just feel and am glad I can make him happy.

That's why I'm afraid. Because what we have is so good, so wonderful, so real and normal and exactly what I've been begging to have from Allah (swt) since I was....hell, probably since I was nine years old!

Obviously my husband is a blessing from Allah, so no matter what people tell me can happen, only Allah has the power to allow it to happen or not. I shouldn't worry what people say, words are only words. My destiny, my fate has already been written. I have my own book containing my naseeb, written by the grandest author of them all.

Beware of Shaitan

2009-09-19T10:34:00.001-07:00

Eid is here finally. It felt like it would never come, but now that it has it seems like it came so quickly!

Eid Mubarak everyone.

Just a friendly reminder, the shaitaan are going to be unchained from hell, so be careful and don't forget to make dua to protect yourself from the whispers of daemons!

We all have a daemon that is always with us, so be careful ok!

I've had some very real experiences with jinn, so I know they are no joke.

When you show a Muslimah a Bad Picture...

2009-09-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

I was in the middle of instant messaging my mother, while at work, when a man came in to inspect the place. He was doing this to make sure we were a legit business, since we have some deals together.

I was hoping he wouldn't try to shake my hand- hoped the fact that I was typing up a storm would deter him. But I knew I couldn't get away with the not-shaking-hands thing for long.

I saw his hand glide through the hair at me. I smiled politely and told him "Sorry, I don't shake men's' hands." His hand hung limp in the air, alone until he took it back.

"Oh I'm so sorry." He apologized. That is the same reaction I get every time, a smile and an apology. The men are always unsure of the whole situation and since they are going with the flow they never miss a beat. Alhamdullilah. He then ran back outside to his car, he had forgotten some papers.

"See [husband]! I didn't shake his hand." I smiled proudly at my husband.

"Yeah, I know, thank you. Those are my hands and I don't want anyone touching them. They are so soft and pretty." I like my hands too. They aren't especially pretty though, they are small with short farmers fingers.

The guy came back in and the two continued talking. When he was going to leave he handed my husband a huge catalog called 'Biker's Choice". It is filled with items he can order to fix motorcycles. Only thing is, on the front and back was a picture of a woman wearing lingerie and displaying herself on a motorcycle. Ugh. I could tell my husband was playing it cool but wasn't looking at it. Meanwhile the guy had no clue the annoyance and disgust that was radiating off of me.

As soon as he left I spun towards my husband. "Give me that thing." I said nodding at the catalog. He slid it to the desk in front of me and I got to work. Pulling out my jumbo permanent marker (which smells sooo good...until the headache sets in) I drew over her picture. Then I wrote on it with white out, writing "Biker's Choice '09".

Checking if there were any pictures inside, I found a full blown poster inside that had been folded up. It didn't even have a chance of survival, I cut it up into little bits.

When I was done I stared at my work and snapped a picture for memory.

I looked up and saw the man who had just been in the store through the front glass window.

"Uh -Oh. You think he saw me?" My husband considered the question.

"Probably. But if he wants payment for damage, I'm giving him your name and address for the billing."

(which, you know, is his address too.)

Hijab Swappers!!!!!!

2009-09-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

After learning about the new website, Hijab Swappers, I'm addicted to the site! It has wonderfully been created for Muslim sisters to sell hijabs, abayas, and other Islamic clothing. It can also be used to trade clothes, or to be given away essentially free (shipping fee may apply).

Nowadays everything on internet based businesses, clothing is so expensive! After hours of searching and finally finding something affordable, tax and shipping always bumps up the price too high, which thankfully is not the case on this site.

Also, I see high potential for sisters who have converted to Islam. Not only is it hard often time for many converts to find the right places to buy clothing, but they might not even have a store near them to go to! Such was the case with me, and I wish this site had been around a few years ago!
Plus, many countries do not offer the correct or any proper Islamic attire, which Inshallah can now easily be obtained!

Not only is Hijab Swappers a brilliantly concocted idea, it is like biting into your favorite sweet! The (PINK/PURPLE) colors pop out and are totally inviting. Did I mention the totally adorable hearts? This site is SO for Muslimah sisters, ALHAMDULLILAH!

The forum is now OPEN! I encourage everyone to go view it! After signing up, make sure you keep an eye out, I'm going to be giving away some pretty interesting clothing Inshallah!

If you have any questions contact Tuttie here, or email hijabswappers@gmail.com .

*I pray that this site takes off and helps many Muslim, in return allowing the creators of the site to acquire many, many blessings. May we all enter the highest level of Jannah together, AMEEN!*

BLoggING seMINar

2009-09-11T15:43:00.000-07:00

We need a seminar. A blogging seminar or blogging convention or something.

It would be so cool. Set up the whole thing at some rented hall. Eat, talk,
activities (women only, so we are totally doing some games. Dancing
anyone?) and OF COURSE talk about Islam. Blogging is like some sort of
support group. For whatever reasons we are on here, one of those for everyone
is to reach out to one another. Like a long distance support group. We can meet once
a year!

I know it could never happen, as many of us live in different countries. And tons of us
bare our souls on here, a lot which is able to be done do to the secrecy of our identity.

But I think it would still be cool.

Sister [unknown]: Salaamu Alaikum! Who are you?

me: WALAIKUM SALAAM!!! *big smile and hug* MY NAME IS [BLANK]. YOU KNOW.....
I'M ALABASTERMUSLIMMMMM.

sister[still unknown]: ah yes. I should have known from the incredibly pale skin and the way
you can't stop smiling. I am *pretty-n-pink-hijab* (made up blog name).

awww I can smell it now, arab and desi food...mixed with wonderful pizza. And I want some spanish rice....and i'll bring the German chocolate cake, ok :D The rules would be no one can tell anyone what blog they belong to untill we are all sitting/standing together and we announce it.

I think i mentioned before, i like to day dream. And i have no life. heehee.

New Post on AlabasterMuslim(GonePrivate)

2009-09-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

I'm letting you all know since if you are allowed to see the other blog you won't get an update
that i wrote a new post...So i'm letting you know this way.

Italian man, thanks for the kind words.

2009-09-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it, I kind of resent America. Not so much America, but when i think about the wars we are in i think,"Poor [Insert random country we happen to be attacking today]" Or when CNN reports something I'm thinking, "hmmm, now what did they lie about or leave out of the story?"

When I'm walking down the street and i see all the dirty looks i think why do you look at me like that? do you really think I'd hurt you? are you really scared of this bright pink sparkle-decorated scarf?

I'm hurt how the government acts, its disgusting. And I'm hurt how people are so easily conned by the shows like FOX and CNN (which of course are government run).

But today, as I'm sitting in the business store/shop that my husband and I just opened up, that is not my feeling toward my fellow Americans at all.

Today an Italian guy walked in. He's probably in his fifties and has gray hair. My husband dealt with him, and they got into the conversation of how he doesn't care where you're from, what you your religion is. He says it doesn't matter to him who your higher power is, whether its god or Allah or the stars and the moon, all he cares is if you treat him good, he'll treat you well.

Then he told a story (maybe you all know it) about a women (in some country other than the US) who got in trouble for wearing pants. I explained we have to dress modestly, but now where will you find its haraam for a women to wear pants. I didn't get into the details of what we consider modest, I'm pretty sure he has somewhat of an idea.

He said how we are good people and he didn't judge us for a minute. So i love that random Italian man. Ok, so maybe he doens't realize that God is Allah and that Allah means God, and that hell no would the stars and moon ever be my Rubb, but still. I love that Italian man. Not only for the hundreds of dollars we'll get out of him, but for his kind words too.

EDIT: I might have regained my hope for humanity, but not for the sales people. I just got a phone call from some guy asking if we except visa or MasterCard. When i told him yes, he said he'd be right over to pay us.

"Cool, that'd be great!" i said cheerfully. My heart swelled at the thought of another customer.
I told my husband and he checked the caller I.D.

"They said they'd come and pay!"I sang to him. He looked at my smile. And rolled his eyes.

"they said have a good day not I'll come pay." I scrunched up my face at that.

"Helloooo they said they'd be right over! what do you think that means!"

He sighed.

"AlabasterMuslim, did you check the caller I.D.?"

"yes..." my smile fell.

"It was advertisement or a scam or something," he explained.

I checked the phone again. It says "World Data System." Definitely not a customer. I had totally been duped.

Its been two hours. They never came. :(

I Heart My Muslim Sisters.

2009-09-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

My husband had the computer all day, it was torture for me! Oh my poor fingers, deprived of the wonderful keyboard. (You know, i know all the keys by heart and can type without looking? ohhhhh yeah! I know its lame, but when i was little i would see my step mother doing it and i wanted to be able to do it too!) So when i got the computer back the first thing i did was check on blogger. And there was only one comment. It was so sad, no one wants to view my blog? And then i went on my email account and omgggg I LOVE ALL OF YOU! lol. So i'm not as alone on here as i thought. *so many hugs to my sisters* I have added most of you. Now that you have my private blog you'll be able to find out why i have to be very careful about who i add.

I don't think some of you realized it, but it said your names on your email. Maybe you all put a fake name on it? Don't worry though, i'll never tell a soul your real names. But one of you have my name (yayy) and one of you (your name started with a 'G') has the same name as one of my relatives and i LOVE that relative so your one of my favorite people now. (actually, your blog already was, but still.) (and i have many relatives that have names that start with 'G' so no one can find out your name).

To the people who sent me an email telling me that they had never commented before but want my private blog- thanks for asking even though you never wrote! It is still appreciated. And you should have received an invite. I posted a blog on the private one, so please read and comment and enjoy. (I wrote it yesterday actually.) And even though you never commented before, feel free to now.

AlabasterMuslim(GonePrivate)

2009-09-01T20:08:00.000-07:00

I'm on lock down guys...Well not really, just my new blog is. You'll find out the reasons why in the new one - I'll add anyone just send me an email at ALABASTERMUSLIM(AT)GMAIL.COM(..no caps lock of course), okay? The only people who won't be accepted to be a friend, or view it or whatever is if YOU'RE THE PEOPLE I DON'T WANT VIEWING IT! DUH! If you don't want to email me just write me a comment and i'll add you that way, but you still have to leave an email address..(just thought it would be nice for the emailing option since everyone doesn't want their info out there on the web...ironic since we all write blogs but whatever.)

Yes, I punched him. But its because I LOVE him.

2009-08-28T13:42:00.001-07:00

Oh my poor, poor husband. I love him so much but he has turned into my target practice. Yesterday, right before we broke our fast, I just walked straight up to him and punched him in the arm.
His eyes widened in surprise and yelled "Oh my god, what the hell was that for?" I laugh and look at my mother in law.
"Don't worry [MIL] that's how I show him I love him.It's a love tap."

We were napping because we stay up really and fasting makes us tired. After an hour or so I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I started day dreaming.

"[Husband] wake upppp," I called his name and nudged him. "Wake up." He mumbled some nonsense I couldn't understand and turned over, never really even waking up.

"Wake upppppp," I whisper/hiss to him. "Wakeeee uppp." Still, nothing. "WAKE UP!" I yelled and hit his arm. He jumped and looked at me. I laughed.

"Watch this, ok?" I tell him. I'm still laying on my back, but my legs are cocked at a bend as if I was sitting on a chair. Then in 'slow motion' I pretended to kick a bunch of guys all around, like the matrix. I explained all this to him, told him it was my daydream.

"You woke me up for this?" He groaned. "Your crazy AlabasterMuslim."

He gets me back though.
I'll be cooking and he'll come home from work, sneak inside the house, and pop out of nowhere to scare the crap outta me. Or he'll go get the screw driver and somehow unlock the bathroom door, so when I'm taking a shower he'll just appear.

Anyway, I always hated seeing girls hit their boyfriends at school. Like smack them or something. The guys would allow it because they were the boyfriend and liked them, and because they would never hit or hurt a girl. I guess the girls were on a power trip or something. I even smacked the crap out of a girl for it, too. But with MY husband (I'm bragging now) he can take it because I'm really small and because...he's a boxer. Yeah, you read that right a TRAINED BOXER. He use to be PRO. How cool is THAT? But he got out of the sport and now thinks it might be haraam because they know they are going to get hurt, so they practically are volunteering to allow personal harm- which is haraam. You decide, or find proof. (Proof is the best of course.)

No One Ever Told Me About The Sex!

2009-08-24T17:24:00.000-07:00

Alhamdullilah, Ramadan is here (has been here for three days). Everyone has been
blogging about what they have been eating, or NOT eating. Especially how hard it has
been. I knew as we entered into this month, that the food part would be hard- due to
the hunger. And I knew about how it would be hard for me to control my mouth-since
I have a temper and I’m pretty good at whipping out snappy comments if someone pisses me
off.

But no one ever told me about the sex. I use to think you could not have sex the whole entire
Ramadan. THAT would be hard, I can barely contain myself when I’m on my period. I’ve never
Understood the jokes on TV, where the husband complains about his wife not giving it up.
Maybe it really does just happen on TV, or maybe more commonly among non-Muslims.
I understand if there is something preventing you from having relations with your husband,
But for the most part doesn’t everyone do it?

Anyway. Fasting from food? No problem. But fasting from sex?! *Bring on the Dua. I need it*

I blame my husband. If he wasn’t just so darn GOOD LOOKING!

When One Is Found

2009-08-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

Update: [From my last blog post]

Thank you everyone for, well, for wORRYING WITH ME! lol. As you can tell from my light mood, everything turned out completely fine ALHAMDULLILAH!!

I feel so stupid for worrying that way I did. I had been calling my husband a bunch of times asking if he found his missing FATHER when apparently he found him at the stop light by our house, chipperly driving along. He was A-OK. Hanging out with his friends. He has FRIENDS? Man his wife should be informed, because apparently she isn't aware of this...argh giving me false information. haha.

I'm in the house, the living room, on the computer trying to calm myself. When not only do they both walk in the house together (weren't you suppose to call me when you found him husband?) they are laughing LOUDLY. But I write all this with loving affection i'm-going-to-kill-you.

When One Goes M.I.A.

2009-08-16T02:06:00.000-07:00

Ok so its five in the morning and I am TOTALLY freaking out. There is nothing I can do right now but sit here and wait for something to happen, so I just have to make Dua, and in the meantime write. Writing calms me so Inshallah it will help.

My husbands father owns a restaurant (not sure if I mentioned that before) so he helps him out. They close late on saturdays, meaning my husband didn't come home until one in the morning. A few minutes after he came home he asked me where his father is.

"Um, I don't know..." I replied to him, wondering why his father was even out that late at night, especially since he never goes out.

"He must be getting cigarettes," He concluded and that was the end of that. We are night owls, so its not odd of us to be awake until 3:30 in the morning, which is when he told me his dad is still not home. After sitting with him for ten minutes not knowing what to do, I told him to go look for his father. I'm staying home encase his dad comes home, so I'll be able to call my husband and let him know.

Well its five eleven right now, and his dad is nowhere to be seen or heard of. He isn't answering his cell phone. Tons of thoughts are running through my head right now, trying to find some solution or answer to all of this. Where do people go at night? Clubs, and bars. So is that where he is? Is he drunk, passed out? I have other thoughts of where he might be but I don't even want to say THOSE.

My slightly morbid mind keeps coming back to this seen playing in my head : My husband drives up to a gas station, and he sees flashing red and blue lights of police cars and ambulances, surrounding the broken body of his father. A'UTHU BILLAH! I am praying it is something minor like drinking, or inshallah just some big mistake that we haven't realized.

I just have a feeling its more, since his father never goes anywhere. He's a quiet kind of guy who is a workaholic and only has one good friend according to his wife, and its not like they ever see each other so why would they be chilling at five in the morning?

On top of all of this, after missing two months worth of periods I just went to the bathroom, and man I hate Aunt Flow. So now not only am I worried sick, I'm all depressed. How long did it take any of you to become pregnant?

And am I evil that even though his father is the one missing, I'm more worried about my husband?

May Allah Keep Them Both Safe And Return Them To This House Soon, Safe And Unhurt, Ameen!

10 Things About Me

2009-08-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

I was TAGGED by JAZ who is the author of the blog * Born Confuzed! *. Thanks Jaz! So here is the deal, I have to tell 10 honest things about myself and then tag 10 others. I don't know how many people I'll end up tagging but I will try!

1) I have never broken or sprang anything in my body. I have never been to the hospital for myself. But I love my scars.

2) I have a problem with cutting meat that has bones in it, I always request boneless chicken breast.

3) When I was little my two older brothers and I use to take sticks and gouge out the eyes of living fish. It is cruel, I know. And I'm so sorry my poor fishy friends :(. I wonder if I could make it up to them by telling them they are so special, my first word as a child was 'fish'.

4) I hate sports because I suck so bad at them. P.E. class for me was always hell. (No, really. I even was put in 'remedial gym' in the middle of school year.)

5) When I daydream I get so into it I'll accidentally start acting it out. My mouth will move, but whether noise comes out or not well I guess that depends on the daydream. I have to catch myself though, I've done it in public before, ahh! Can't help it though, when I get bored I daydream. Maybe i should have changed #5 to I HAVE A.D.D.

6) My tonsils, ears, and nose were suppose to have surgery done on them when I was little but my father never took me. Now, my tonsils have craters carved into the flesh, and things get stuck in them. EWWWW! I know, SO gross. But usually I feel when somethings in there, so I can get it out right away. Okay, too personal? I know.

7) I love cutting my nails. I don't know why, I think because it makes me feel so clean and free. And most probably because its Sunnah. (I just found out its haraam to NOT cut the nails - and pubic hair- PAST forty days.)

8) A secret desire is to be able to say that I have been Muslim all my life. I only went along with the religion of my Father because I had to ( I've always hated church, or what they call the 'kingdom hall'). I have always believed in ONE God and that no one has the right to be worshiped but him. Not even Jesus, (A.S.). My mother became Muslim when I young (6,7,8 years old). So if its the parents who change a babies religion, which religion was I really? However, I like being a convert too, since that's what made me ME.

10) I feel like this should be a big one. Okay, when I was six years old I saved a far off cousin's life. My Mother and two brothers and I were in Missouri for a huge family reunion on the 4th of July. My cousin, who was 16, was carried back unconscious from a park. He had been drinking booze and supposedly just passed out from being so drunk. I was in a room watching Fantasia, and he was lied on a couch behind me. It was comfortable for me, I constantly kept looking behind, at the couch. Good thing too, because that's when I noticed his lips and fingers were turning blue. I tried to tell everyone but I was ignored because of my age. Eventually I found my mom and told her. An ambulance came right away. Turns out not only was he dehydrated from being in 100 degree weather and only drinking beer, but he had overdosed on drugs. Allah must have deemed it wasn't his time to die. So I didn't really save his life, but at that time I was on cloud 9 thinking I did.

Someone is trying to hijack Surah Al-Fatiha

2009-08-08T12:58:00.000-07:00

I hate it when someone takes something so indescribably beautiful, and tries to mash it with something so wrong.

If you believe you can be a fully practicing Muslim and be gay or lesbian, well I'm sorry you're wrong. Beauty of the human kind is naturally appreciated by everyone, but I think its sore misjudgment to mix it up with sexual desire.

And the fact that this website, which is promoting something so hideous, is named AL FATIHA. Well, I'm just disgusted.

The website hasn't been 'fully launched', so hopefully Inshallah it never will be.

Acid & Nonexistent Fetuses

2009-08-04T17:11:00.000-07:00

Everyone has heard of the weight gain myth. You know, you gain weight when you get married. Well, it sucks. And it's true. At least for me. I've always been around 125 pounds. I can't believe I use to complain about that weight. Was I crazy? Once in school we had to compare our size and weight by some formula the Romans (I think) used. If it came up to a certain number they thought you were perfect. Well guess what!? I was off by something like a forth of a centimeter! They would have thought I was perfect. Of course I know I'm not perfect, and I'll never claim to be. Its so depressing. I keep telling myself be happy, you might gain more. I refuse to though.

I hate those chocolate chip cookies I made. They are evil and calling my name. I am a choco-holic! I seriously need a 12 step program. Or just use the jump rope I bought. I'm trying to. There is even this website, its a weight tracker. http://www.fitday.com/fitness/FoodLog.html. It is free, too. Since jump roping really tires me out, I thought I would use the stationary exercise bike I also bought.

One problem. The batteries stopped working. Hubby told me to take one out and pop it back in to see if it somehow did anything. I put my hand on the back of the LCD screen where the batteries are inserted. I jerked my hand back, something clear and wet was there. It smelled like throw up. I wiped my hands on a paper towel. Using it to pop the back off, I saw that the four huge batteries were covered in battery acid. Did you hear me? ACID!

Most people would be like whatever, its just acid from a battery. But i have a phobia of Acid. Like, nightmares of Acid.

I called my husband and since he's been trained and taught with what to do with acidic spills, he said go put on some rubber gloves and a garbage bag, then pick the batteries up and wrap them in the bag. Baking soda was to be used to soak up the acid.

I calmed down soon after. And with that taken care of, I'm back on about the weight thing. Because I'm hungry and I do not know what to eat that would be healthy and filling.

The food reminds me of my family. If they were back from their three month vacation in Jordan they would be lovingly torturing me for my "actions". Like, I wanted something to drink. God forbid I pick up a jug of water! My husband's aunt FREAKED when she saw me. Everyone is convinced I am pregnant. It's soooo annoying (and totally doesn't help with the weight thing.) She yelled, "Noooo! AlabasterMuslim think of the babiessss!!!!!" As if the weight of the jug would harm the nonexistent fetus. Not only one fetus but apparently they believe I have multiples in me.

Or my MIL who tells me working out is not good because even sitting down can kill a baby. Whattt?? My mother is a very educated smart women who has read every book out there and asked her own midwives every question possible, so I tend to go to her for advice rather than others who um have some pretty crazy ideas.

Oh Allah. MIDWIFE. I told everyone that I'm having my babies at home by a midwife, without any painkillers. Everyone thought I was going to be putting my babies in danger when in fact its safer.

But now I might actually be pregnant. Two missed periods, but like a million negative tests. When I find out if I am or not, I'm scared of the restrictions every one's going to try and put on me. Especially because of the reaction I might have.

Kisses for the Mrs.

2009-07-29T18:09:00.000-07:00

Since I became a Muslim when I was young, I have had some time to indulge myself in the "middle eastern" culture. At least to a certain extent, enough to make it past customs. The only thing I don't have down is the kissing.

From the Arabs that I have met (Syrians, Lebanese, Palestinians, Egyptians, etc.) I came to know that when they greet each other they kiss each other on the cheek twice, or three times, and sometimes four times. For me, I can't figure out how many kisses. i just keep going and going. Usually i end up embarrassing myself because the person will pull away and I'll still be there, my lips all puckered and leaning in.

It also took me a while to know that I am allowed to say no thank you, I'm full. I can't tell you how many times i have been fed so much i almost threw up. Of course, no one took my no's easily, they begged me to continue to try everything for the fifth time. But i was firm and after it happened a few times everyone started leaving me along.

So my new thing is Arabic. I'm trying to learn it. I know how to read and write Arabic, but i don't know how to speak it. I had a blow out with a family member once because they were trying to speak in Arabic about me. (It was such a stupid fight. Not only is the family member younger than me, but wasn't even speaking Arabic! she was just making stuff up to piss me off. But it was that time of the month so I was in a BAD mood.)

I only know a few words, which i can't use to make a sentence out of or are bad words.
The whole reason i want to learn to speak Arabic, other than to try and understand the Qur'an better, is to finally talk to family member like my new Teta (grandma) who don't speak Arabic. Or my husband's grandfather.

Speaking of his grandfather we are going to pick him up from the airport in an hour with his newest wife of five years. {Poor Teta, he left her after thirty five years of marriage. :( }

I have to go get ready now to pick them up. Please make dua that i make a good impression, inshallah!

Kidnapping and Yummy Food

2009-07-20T17:21:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and out of habit went to grab my cell phone. The screen said that i had ten missed calls and two voice mails. It was all from my husband. I called him at work right away. (If you are wondering, i like to sleep late. which is why he was at work and i was still sleeping.) So i guess for some reason the house phone wasn't working right, and i was not answering my cell so he got super worried. He told me he thought that maybe i had been kidnapped or something. He called the phone company up and asked them what was wrong with the phone, and then he had called his friend to come check on me. 'just knock on the door so you know if she's there'. He said he was going to shut down the restaurant (his family owns it) and come home. HA! I find it so funny and cute because he is so not the kind of guy to become worried easily. He's the macho kind of guy and only shows his 'emotions' to me, which i love because i feel special and very loved.

Then he went on to tell me what he would like me to do to the food he made yesterday. I had him take me to an Indian store where spices were sold and i got everything that i wanted. My stepfather is Pakistani, so i have grown up pretty much in a Desi household, and eating Pakistani/Indian food. When i moved in with my husband they didn't have any of the spices i needed, and finally he took me to get some. (Forever more, my husband will be called "Jannu". Anyone speaking Urdu or Hindi or Punjabi...or bangla will know what this means...) Anyway Jannu wanted to make chicken curry, and he rejects all recipes, so he made it up throwing together alll the spices. It taste good, but it is kind of gritty, you can almost separate the spices on your tongue. so he requests for me to follow his instructions and attempt to fix it.
After the Indian store we go to a grocery store. We are by eggs when Jannu asks me if we need any. "umm...I'm not sure...i think we have enough...mayyyybe", i keep debating when a fat ten year old kid sniffing eggs behind me yells "OH I'M SORRY! AM I IN YOUR WAY!?" i turn around and smile, trying not to laugh. my husband and i both insist that no, he is not in our way.
"I'M JUST CHECKING IF THE EGGS ARE FRESH! ...YOU KNOW, THEY GOTTA BE FRESH!" we walked away and i just started laughing. The fear and surprise on that kids face...well i don't want to sound mean, but it was funny.
"You know Jaanu, i bet that kid was just screwing with us."
he laughed.
"Yeah, you're probably right. Sounds like something i would do."

Child Brides

2009-07-17T14:19:00.000-07:00

Asalaamu Alaikum,
The first time I saw my husband we were in a car. He had short hair, hidden under a black beanie, and a long black marvelous beard. I wouldn't look at him unless I thought he wouldn't see me, I was too shy (later I found out he saw my peaking gazes from the corner of his eye...he had seen me the whole time). But I loved his big eyes and big goofy smile. At the same time I tried to imagine what he saw in me : a white convert with a hijab on that my cousin like to call the "shrimp" scarf because of its variations of red and white that twist and blended together. We were engaged at the time.

To one part of the world, we were a normal engaged couple. To another, we were "moving too fast". Moving too fast because I am seventeen, and he was nineteen. I got flack from a lot of people, like my father for example. My Muslim convert mother was okay with it. I had graduated high school early, and that was the only thing she had asked of me to accomplish before I marry, and of course many promises that I would attend college.

Very rarely (I can be very firm in what I believe in) would I think, "Am I doing the wrong thing?" but then I would think of my beloved Prophet, Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him. It is widely known that He married Aisha (RA) at six and consummated the marriage when she was nine. So there was no doubt in my mind that getting married young was wrong or would hinder me in any way.

"O young people! Whoever among you can support a wife should marry, for that is more modest for the gaze and safer for your private parts." {Sahih Al-Bukhari)

Also well known, that marriage completes half of a Muslims deen...so then how could it be something bad for me, like some people were trying to make it seem? I quickly discarded the thought.

Funny thing is, now that I'm married, I am considered a child bride. When his family met mine, my loud and very humorous Aunt said loudly, "You are married to a Child Bride!" Oh god, did I cringe at that! We were in a crowded Apple bee's when she said it too. (I definitely looked around to see if anyone was staring.)

The great wonderful thing about Islam is it protects and helps people and sometimes its not realized until it happens. Marriage in Islam prescribes the role of the husbands to provide and protect their wives. Therefore, my husband, who works full time, takes care of me, who works not at all. It plays out nicely, because he's better working outside the house, while I am betting working inside. My husband brings home the rice, while I clean and do laundry and cook. Actually, he probably cooks more than I do. Poor man, once he was subjected to my cooking for a few days before he realized it was in fact not improving. Thus, he always adds something to my cooking and turns it from blah to WAH-LAH!

We had the wedding at his house. Alhamdullilah, it was such a nice wedding. Everyone was nice and polite. For the most part. There is a spry old Irish women who came. She was aware that the men would be outside behind the house, and of course that's where she wanted to enter the house. "What the hell are you doing here?!" she yelled at them. The very confused and very startled men told her they were doing nothing, just sitting down. But that was her point exactly- they were just sitting. Apparently, she has only seen men who are drunk and trying to peer down women's dresses at weddings. I am proud to say that these men are not like that.

Being a bride at seventeen is not the most uncommon thing, not compared to a bride of say fifteen, thirteen, or nine years old. But it isn't that common anymore among Americans. At least not among white American converts of that age. Imagine trying to get a statistic on that! So i have decided to start a blog, to tell a story, and hopefully entertain. And along the way hopefully teach a little about Islam and break down stereotypes. Inshallah!